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Home Relationships +

When Will You Get Married? And Other Jamb Questions

byLizzy Temisan
April 20, 2020
inRelationships +, Romance
When Will You Get Married
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As a woman living in Nigeria, you have probably heard this phrase: “so when will you get married?” The questions start from your early to mid-20s if you are single, not engaged or not in a ‘serious’ relationship. Other forms of those questions are: When are we going to wear your asoebi? When are we going to eat your wedding rice? When are we going to eat the money for your head? (this one annoys me most). When are we going to carry your children?

The truth is, these questions, although presented as innocent enquiries, mounts pressure on young women to get married. There are a lot of women who settled for the wrong partner because of this pressure. I was almost a victim of that type of marriage. I was going to marry someone I didn’t have anything in common with because “a woman’s time is very short” and other nonsense I was told. Thankfully that relationship fizzled out. I was able to see that it would have been a huge mistake.

But why did I hold on for so long? (It took almost two years), it was simply because of pressure. After that experience, I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t let phrases like: “when will you get married?” control my actions anymore. I had to stop the pressure from reaching my ears. How did I do it?

Be True to yourself:

Lying to yourself about the things you want will only lead to more tears in the future. If you want to get married, be honest with your partner about what you want. You can’t be dating someone who doesn’t have marriage in their five years plan when you want to get married immediately. Ladies, it is okay to want to get married, it is also okay to tell your partner about it. It doesn’t make you look desperate.

Educate your mum and aunties:

Explain to them why their constant pressure is bad. Once, I asked my favourite aunty if she wanted me to get happy. She said yes, then I said you have to stop pressuring me to get married. When I meet someone I love and want to be with it, I’ll let you know, I said to her. It wasn’t easy to get her to stop mounting pressure on me, but over time, she got the message. Now, she’ll be the first to reprimand any aunty who tries to ask my younger sisters and cousins “when will you get married?”

Ignore them:

This seems like an easy solution but how do you ignore your mum and well-meaning aunties? Women who took care of you as a child and bought you gifts? It’s hard but desperate times calls for desperate measures. I’ve had to block a few of my aunties from reaching my phone. For my mum, I have practised how to deflect, change the subject or patiently tell her how I feel about the pressure.

Don’t let anyone rush you into making a life-changing decision. Stay safe everyone

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Here's to the year we all work on all our relation Here's to the year we all work on all our relationships with people, because if 2020 taught us anything, it’s that family, friendships and genuine relationships are what matters.🥂
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"My 10-year-old self always imagined friendships i "My 10-year-old self always imagined friendships in my 20s being this never-ending sleep over and back-to-back vacations with my uber cool friends. Help me laugh. Well, turns out making or keeping friends isn’t always that easy. I am gradually more aware that to keep a friend, you have to try to be there. I am 100% guilty of not being the best friend sometimes and I am always trying to work on it. I shared a few pointers on how to achieve this." @ellapinkette Link in bio
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As we start this new year, be decisive about the r As we start this new year, be decisive about the relationships you keep. Pick a very sharp pair of scissors and cut off toxic people from your life! Also learn to recognize when you're the toxic one.😏
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"Once upon a time, I dated a man who was almost tw "Once upon a time, I dated a man who was almost twenty years older than me. Let’s call him Mr. O. Mr. O was emotionally abusing me, yet I couldn’t leave him, I thought I couldn’t live without him. And that, is a classic example of a toxic relationship. Anyone can be a victim of toxic relationships because it isn’t limited to romantic relationships only. It can also be with friends & family members. The signs of toxic relationships are broad, but it always involves certain things." Lizzy Temisan
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#Repost @milly_aku So, sometime in February 2008, #Repost @milly_aku So, sometime in February 2008, Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi sought for a replacement of her international passport and was told by the immigration officials in Port Harcourt that she needed a written permission from her husband first.
What this means is that before a Nigerian married woman can be issued her international passport, she needs to get a letter of consent from her husband.
Apparently irked by this administrative policy that tramples on her right, Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi headed straight to court and sued the Nigerian Immigration services (NIS).
NIS justified the requirement by arguing that:
"Married women are classified alongside with minors by the government as persons who require consent from the head of the family".
NIS further argued that the requirement for consent of the husband was put in place to "perpetuate the authority of the man over his wife, no matter the status she had attained in the society".
They also stated that the requirement was set to
"avoid unnecessary breakdown of the marriage institution in the country."
SMH
Anyway, Justice G.K. Olotu, the presiding judge of the Federal High court gave a judgment that has remained a source of exhilaration to every Nigerian woman.
The court threw out as unconstitutional the entrenched age-old oddity that required married women to obtain their husband's consent before acquiring or renewing their international passports.
In her verdict, Justice G.K. Olotu reportedly said,
“This kind of policy has no place in 21st century Nigeria.”
On June 1st 2009, NIS lost the case made against them by Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi, a woman who decided to speak up for herself and other women in Nigeria.
This is a gentle reminder to all girls and women, that we are the most important advocates for ourselves.
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Life is a gift, if we treat it like that, it would Life is a gift, if we treat it like that, it wouldn’t matter how old we are or what you have achieved. You have the gift of life, make the best of it.
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