In 2018, on the day before Valentine, my then boyfriend managed to catch me off guard. He called to tell me that he needed my help, that there was something he wanted to store in my house. Then he said I should watch out for the delivery guy. I didn’t suspect anything because, first, why would he call me directly to give me a ‘surprise’ gift, second, it was not actually Valentine’s day yet. But it turned out to be a valentine’s day gift, something that was so thoughtful and kind. Look, I know we ladies like to gush but I was quite pleasantly surprised, and its actually very hard to surprise me on any given day.
Fast-forward to today. We are now married, oshey o! But valentine is coming and even as a married woman, I am still scratching my head, like, which one be this? Lol. Don’t get me wrong, we are madly in love and expressive of this, but also, we’ve been married through the pandemic so there’s a sense in which it feels like we have seen too much of each other. The other day, we looked over at each other and realised we hadn’t made the effort to look ‘presentable’ to each other in months, and while neither of us was complaining or putting pressure on the other but we knew something had to change.
In the same way, with valentine’s day, it can be easy for married folk to take things for granted. Some don’t celebrate it because they think expression of love shouldn’t be allocated to one day. I used to wonder what the big deal was myself, but these days, I consider Valentine’s day as an opportunity to remember. You get to remember how valuable this person is to you and you get to remind them of the value you have for them. It is also a reminder to make an effort, no matter how little, to dress up, wear your lashes and lipstick, to look good even in the midst of a lockdown.
If you’re in the see-finish stage of your marriage, it’s a reminder to light those candles you keep forgetting to light. It’s a reminder that, even if you have date night every Friday or weekend, this Val’s day, we’re going to do something different, or add an extra element to it. It doesn’t have to be drastic or expensive. Love, I have learnt, is a choice, one you decide to make every day…including Valentine’s day.
So yes, it’s not by force and there’s no pressure. My husband and I already do movie nights and other little things together. But in case you haven’t been as intentional, try and do something special. I know I’ll be waking up early to make our favourite breakfast which we haven’t in a while—pancakes :D. Even if that’s the only gesture I have for the day, at least I would have tried.
Hope you guys have a beautiful Valentine’s Day.