Happy New Year! If you are like most people (and many of us are like most people) then, you probably experienced that euphoric feeling of possibilities that the new year brings. There’s just this atmosphere of change in the air. Plus, that familiar new year resolution to be better, to do better. While I applaud it all, I can’t help but admit that 2021 was a tough year for many people. That is also stating the obvious, if not for any reason, simply trying to be a Nigerian surviving through the thin and narrow. Sigh.
Last year got particularly rough for me especially as the ember months approached. This was in my mental health and other areas. For instance, I could be talking to people and automatically zone out or laugh the entire day and feel so much pressure and pain in my chest when I’m all alone. This got worse in the month of December precisely because Christmas unearths a lot of traumas and triggers, I could no longer keep down or fight as I have been doing the months before. I got so depressed, felt sadness grow beneath my skin and wish for death that I started trying to harm myself.
Thankfully, I am much better now but I find myself thinking about the many reasons why my moods switches from extreme happiness to extreme sadness so easily. And why no matter how happy I am with friends that I so obviously love, at the end of day after going our separate ways I am engulfed with so much pain. It dawns on me that my happiness is so short lived because it’s something I have programmed myself to go out to get and not to return to.
Don’t get me wrong, my company makes me happy. The little things I do for myself makes me happy and if this resonates with you and you think we have something in common then we probably need therapy, and we also need to create happiness that is home to us so that we find a certain level of peace and balance.
So, the goal for my 2022 is to create the happiness I can always return to at the end of the day when we have all said our goodbyes and gave each other warm hugs. Because really no matter how hard you search and think everything else can fill you up, you will find out that you are the only one that can do that and most times alone.
So, create your own happiness, unpack the many emotions you need to deal with so that they do not stifle the growth of your joy. Experience contentment in your own moment as you deal with your fears and anxiety. Process your thoughts, come out of what is stunting your inner peace and give yourself the right kind of light to place inside you. Happy new year and I wish you the best.
