Ladies, let’s talk. When you are choosing a partner what are your criteria? I don’t mean like personal qualities; I mean cultural ones. I am asking because, well, there was a trending conversation on Twitter the other day about marrying someone from the same church/spiritual level. As always with Twitter conversations, the church issue led to other aspects like tribe and class. So, it got me wondering: Does your partner have to be of the same tribe as you? Be of the same faith? Attend the same church? Or should how he be raised in a way similar to yours?
I know what you are thinking: these questions sound so yesterday! I mean, it’s 2021, right? We have seen the scale of globalization, and the internet has created more bridges that we ever imagined possible. Even people don’t speak the same language are falling in love and getting together. So, really, what’s all this backward talk about who comes from your village and speaks the language of your ancestors.
Okay, let’s be real. According to popular statistics, couples who have a lot of similar cultural backgrounds tend to last longer! For example, with religion, it’s easier for couples who are from the same faith/church to raise their children. The same goes for tribe and class. If both of you have the same beliefs and culture, then there’s no point in cultural conflict. But I have seen relatively healthy marriages between Muslims and Christians, people from different tribes, rich and poor too. So, why do those work? Are there exceptions? The argument is that in these types of marriages/relationships, one person (usually the woman) has to give in; one person forfeits their religious and cultural beliefs for peace and harmony. Up until a few years ago, I was quite adamant about dating a Catholic. For me, I thought it will be easier to continue my faith with someone who understands. My Catholic aunt married an Anglican, although both churches are almost similar, they still had religious clashes! Now imagine an Orthodox Christian marrying a Pentecostal Christian.
Now that we’ve said all that, what’s my take? What’s the point? Well, apart from regular old banter, it made me realize how much marriage is still about asserting individuality instead of unifying experiences. More so, it made me think how during courtship we don’t really focus on the things we need, or the life we are trying to build. Is it not funny how these questions come up when it’s time to marry but not when it’s time to date? My personal take is to do what works best for you. However, in a relationship, there has to be some give and take. Besides, I wonder: If two people really love each other, can’t they find a middle ground that’ll make both happy? Or is it super important to avoid any conflict and just marry someone like you?
Anyway, I obviously don’t have any answers, but I’m eager to know what you think. Please share your thoughts in the comments?