It’s been several weeks since I started taking medication for my mental health and speaking to a therapist weekly. I write about it here. My official diagnosis was clinical depression and type 2 bipolar disorder. I promised I was going to share the experience with you so here goes.
The first thing I would like to say is that I wish I had done this sooner. The quality of my life has improved in a lot of ways. By asking questions, the therapist has been able to help me see patterns that were invisible to me in the past. She has helped me see why I suffer from anxiety and become prone to panic attacks and bouts of depression. So far, we are working on ways to modify my behaviour, so that I am better prepared to deal with anxiety, panic and depression.
One thing I want to say is that healing with mental health doesn’t happen overnight, it normally takes time. I started therapy and medication because I wanted to heal and get better so that I can get back to my work and my life. But I am slowly learning that it is not magic, it takes some time, especially when you’ve suppressed a lot of trauma into your mind over the years.
I only agreed to the medication because I thought it would make my recover process very fast. Well, I was in a terrible state and thought if the drugs were going to help me then I am game. So far, I haven’t had a single suicidal thought in the weeks since I started taking my medication, not one. My evenings used to be the worst part of my day but now, I manage it perfectly and even do some work in that time. On the days I feel down though, I am able to separate my emotions from myself, I don’t feel trapped in my head anymore. I am also eating better; my appetite is a lot healthier.
But everything that has an advantage has a disadvantage, right?
The first few days of taking the medication were tough. I was nauseous and extremely tired. It felt as though my muscles turned to liquid. After the first week, nausea and fatigue cleared but then it turned into excessive sleeping. Before the drugs, I wake up around 6 am and get to work immediately. Now, even if I wake by 6 am, I can’t do anything because I am too sleepy. My day literally starts after 12 noon. I can work around that time schedule because there is COVID and I am working from home. I don’t know how I would have managed in pre-COVID times.
As someone who just started on this mental health journey, I will encourage you to seek out therapy, and if they recommend medication alongside, don’t be afraid to try it. Ask questions, read about whatever they recommend through google and have faith in the healing process. You deserve healing, you deserve help to manage your mental health. Go for it.