Lately, my life has been a rollercoaster ride on confidence and self-esteem. I know how to mask it though. When people meet me, they first think I’m mean and maybe slightly unapproachable. But it was all just a front.
When I was little, I was the confident life of the party. I mean it literally. I was the one to take part in dance competitions and the first to go take “a daddy’s shoe and a mommy’s bag” from the audience. Sorry, tiktok kids of 2020 can’t relate. Haha.
But the point is that I was a happy, jovial, confident kid. It may have something to do with the fact that I was really smart and I used to be called Agbani because I told everyone who cared to listen that I would be Miss World one day. I know, I’m laughing out loud as I type this as well.
As years went by and life went on, that girl sorta went with it. I found myself retreating into myself. The more “life” I lived, the fewer friends I got out of it and the more my social skills took a plunge.
However, have low self esteem and no confidence has no perks. On the contrary, it makes you less productive that you can be. You literally can’t be the fully potentialized individual that you are born to be.
You use your own self against you. Against your own purpose. It’s like Nigerians will say, you use your hand to do yourself.
Sometimes, it’s insecurities about your body, what people say about you, and how you let all of that affect you and your God-given purpose.
That’s why I have made myself suppress those insecurities and work at building my confidence EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
The road to self confidence is not an easy task, but it’s a doable one.
The ways that you can achieve that self loving, self accepting, unapologetic queen that you are can start in a day.
Visualize your highest self
I know you have heard this before, but girl, it is so true. You are much more than you think. Change your mindset and be the queen you know you are. This involves forming habits that your highest would have. My highest self would probably pay a lot more attention to her outfits. So on days that I need a confidence boost, I put together a killer outfit from my Thrifted wardrobe and I show up extra! If your highest self would wake up and meditate and have a cup of kombucha tea like Oprah would, then get your self out of bed early and do the same!
I promise this is not just the psychologist in me speaking. But cognitive behavioural therapy actually works. Positive affirmations improve your mood and help you believe that you can do the actual things that you say. Say things like “I believe in my myself. I have confidence in myself. I can accomplish whatever I set my mind on. Most of all, I learn from my past mistakes”.
Deal with your inner critics
Whatever anyone or even your own mind tells you that you can’t do, believe that you can. Face your insecurities and believe that they do not lord over you.
Many other little things like sitting up, standing tall and looking people in the eye, are sure to help you feel and look confident.