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Home Life + Home/Family

Learning To Reclaim My Confidence

byLouella Eze
May 24, 2020
inHome/Family, Life +
happy and confident black woman
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Lately, my life has been a rollercoaster ride on confidence and self-esteem. I know how to mask it though. When people meet me, they first think I’m mean and maybe slightly unapproachable. But it was all just a front.

When I was little, I was the confident life of the party. I mean it literally. I was the one to take part in dance competitions and the first to go take “a daddy’s shoe and a mommy’s bag” from the audience. Sorry, tiktok kids of 2020 can’t relate. Haha.

But the point is that I was a happy, jovial, confident kid. It may have something to do with the fact that I was really smart and I used to be called Agbani because I told everyone who cared to listen that I would be Miss World one day. I know, I’m laughing out loud as I type this as well.

As years went by and life went on, that girl sorta went with it. I found myself retreating into myself. The more “life” I lived, the fewer friends I got out of it and the more my social skills took a plunge.

However, have low self esteem and no confidence has no perks. On the contrary, it makes you less productive that you can be. You literally can’t be the fully potentialized individual that you are born to be.

You use your own self against you. Against your own purpose. It’s like Nigerians will say, you use your hand to do yourself.

Sometimes, it’s insecurities about your body, what people say about you, and how you let all of that affect you and your God-given purpose.

That’s why I have made myself suppress those insecurities and work at building my confidence EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

The road to self confidence is not an easy task, but it’s a doable one.

The ways that you can achieve that self loving, self accepting, unapologetic queen that you are can start in a day.

Visualize your highest self

I know you have heard this before, but girl, it is so true. You are much more than you think. Change your mindset and be the queen you know you are. This involves forming habits that your highest would have. My highest self would probably pay a lot more attention to her outfits. So on days that I need a confidence boost, I put together a killer outfit from my Thrifted wardrobe and I show up extra! If your highest self would wake up and meditate and have a cup of kombucha tea like Oprah would, then get your self out of bed early and do the same!

Speak Affirmations

I promise this is not just the psychologist in me speaking. But cognitive behavioural therapy actually works. Positive affirmations improve your mood and help you believe that you can do the actual things that you say. Say things like “I believe in my myself. I have confidence in myself. I can accomplish whatever I set my mind on. Most of all, I learn from my past mistakes”.

Deal with your inner critics

Whatever anyone or even your own mind tells you that you can’t do, believe that you can. Face your insecurities and believe that they do not lord over you.

Many other little things like sitting up, standing tall and looking people in the eye, are sure to help you feel and look confident.

Stay beautiful!!!

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😂😂Hope you guys are having an awesome weeken 😂😂Hope you guys are having an awesome weekend!#africanmumsbelike
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Here's to the year we all work on all our relation Here's to the year we all work on all our relationships with people, because if 2020 taught us anything, it’s that family, friendships and genuine relationships are what matters.🥂
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"My 10-year-old self always imagined friendships i "My 10-year-old self always imagined friendships in my 20s being this never-ending sleep over and back-to-back vacations with my uber cool friends. Help me laugh. Well, turns out making or keeping friends isn’t always that easy. I am gradually more aware that to keep a friend, you have to try to be there. I am 100% guilty of not being the best friend sometimes and I am always trying to work on it. I shared a few pointers on how to achieve this." @ellapinkette Link in bio
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#theladysroomng #theladys #betterfriendship #betterfriendships #betterfriends #betterfriends
As we start this new year, be decisive about the r As we start this new year, be decisive about the relationships you keep. Pick a very sharp pair of scissors and cut off toxic people from your life! Also learn to recognize when you're the toxic one.😏
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"Once upon a time, I dated a man who was almost tw "Once upon a time, I dated a man who was almost twenty years older than me. Let’s call him Mr. O. Mr. O was emotionally abusing me, yet I couldn’t leave him, I thought I couldn’t live without him. And that, is a classic example of a toxic relationship. Anyone can be a victim of toxic relationships because it isn’t limited to romantic relationships only. It can also be with friends & family members. The signs of toxic relationships are broad, but it always involves certain things." Lizzy Temisan
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#theladysroomng #theladys #toxicrelationships #toxicfreeliving #toxicfree #toxicfreerelationships
The least you can do is try. Don’t write yoursel The least you can do is try. Don’t write yourself off before you’ve even made an attempt.😊#ifatfirstyoudontsucceedtrytryagain
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She sure is!😊🌻🌼🌸 . . . . . #theladysro She sure is!😊🌻🌼🌸
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If you’re on Clubhouse, how has your experience If you’re on Clubhouse, how has your experience been so far?😊
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...And look them straight in the eye and say thank ...And look them straight in the eye and say thank you.👑💅
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#theladysroomng #theladys #howtotakeacompliment #howtotakeacompliment101 #shondarhimes #shondarhimesquotes #shondarhimesquote
#Repost @milly_aku So, sometime in February 2008, #Repost @milly_aku So, sometime in February 2008, Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi sought for a replacement of her international passport and was told by the immigration officials in Port Harcourt that she needed a written permission from her husband first.
What this means is that before a Nigerian married woman can be issued her international passport, she needs to get a letter of consent from her husband.
Apparently irked by this administrative policy that tramples on her right, Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi headed straight to court and sued the Nigerian Immigration services (NIS).
NIS justified the requirement by arguing that:
"Married women are classified alongside with minors by the government as persons who require consent from the head of the family".
NIS further argued that the requirement for consent of the husband was put in place to "perpetuate the authority of the man over his wife, no matter the status she had attained in the society".
They also stated that the requirement was set to
"avoid unnecessary breakdown of the marriage institution in the country."
SMH
Anyway, Justice G.K. Olotu, the presiding judge of the Federal High court gave a judgment that has remained a source of exhilaration to every Nigerian woman.
The court threw out as unconstitutional the entrenched age-old oddity that required married women to obtain their husband's consent before acquiring or renewing their international passports.
In her verdict, Justice G.K. Olotu reportedly said,
“This kind of policy has no place in 21st century Nigeria.”
On June 1st 2009, NIS lost the case made against them by Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi, a woman who decided to speak up for herself and other women in Nigeria.
This is a gentle reminder to all girls and women, that we are the most important advocates for ourselves.
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Life is a gift, if we treat it like that, it would Life is a gift, if we treat it like that, it wouldn’t matter how old we are or what you have achieved. You have the gift of life, make the best of it.
Cheers to getting older in 2021!🥂
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