The other day, I was talking to a childhood friend who just walked out of a four-year relationship. The man she left was her fiancee. Yes, they were planning a wedding. It was during the wedding plans that, according to her, she saw a side of him she couldn’t endure for the rest of her life. She said he was too controlling. He wanted to make all the major decisions about their wedding by himself, which was actually fine with her until he decided to pick her wedding gown too and she flipped.
The ugliness that came out of that fight was what finally destroyed their relationship. My friend had known this guy for years. He has always been that way, he often picked the dresses she wore to work and church. Also, he had cheated on her a number of times. Once he even hit her in front of his siblings. I and some of our mutual friends have grown tired from telling her to leave the relationship. So we resigned to pray for her.
Considering what she had been through, I found it odd that it took less than their usual misunderstandings for her to leave the relationship.
Relationships can be difficult. Even the platonic and filial ones. We tend to think of the time and resources poured into it. Then, we want to pray through things. We want to be patient and keep faith that a toxic partner will change. But some things don’t change and the relationship eventually comes to an end before it is too late, if we are lucky.
If you are stuck in a complicated situation, here are a few tips that it might be time to take a walk.
Gut feeling
Some people have a nagging feeling, others hear a constant voice in their head, believing it is divine direction. Regardless of your faith, once your conscience/heart starts telling you to walk away, please listen. Our instincts/subconscious find ways to tell us thing but we often make excuses: he will change, I am getting old when will I meet another man? etc. When you force yourself to be in a place you are not happy in, like they say, it will end in tears.
Persistent behaviour
Maya Angelou once said, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” In my friend’s case, her ex didn’t hide his behaviour, it was there. Unless his behaviour is something you are certain you can live with, my sister, pack your bags and go.
Words of friends and family
This one is really tricky, but I will assume you have surrounded yourself with good, sensible and kind people. Once everyone around you starts saying the same thing about your partner, your friend they can’t be all wrong. It is time to pause and think, and if possible, walk away.