I heard a story about a married couple with a cute little baby, living their happily ever after, or so it seemed. There was one problem with their perfect union: Sex. That’s right, sex. The woman wanted more. She wanted to explore. The husband was shocked that she considered any style other than missionary. Not only was he shocked, but he was also dismissive. He thought the idea of experimenting was tantamount to inviting the devil to their home. Sadly, the thing now is, even if he dismisses the topic, will be also dismiss his wife’s urges? #Sigh.
Sometimes I wonder: why do we behave this way? Culturally we play the saint, speak in tongues, clutch our Bibles to our chest, but inside we are having sex all over the place. Yet, we won’t talk about it. Not in marriage, not in relationships and certainly not with our parents. Haa. The more I think about it, the more I wonder: since it’s your partner, a person you might spend the rest of your life with, why won’t you be comfortable discussing sex with them? Even if you are just dating, you should still talk about sex. Talk about what pleases you and what you would be willing to try out. It’s not fair to any person to enter a relationship sexually blind. It can re-define and test even a relationship built on the best foundation. Now I know it’s easy to say yes, I am comfortable, but the truth is for most of us, sex is a touchy subject, especially in our part of the world. Most of us learnt about sex as we grew up and our society treats sex like a taboo. We are very uncomfortable talking about sex at all and for those who would even want to engage, we find out that we don’t have the right language to discuss it because of how we were raised.
We are adult human beings, which basically mean most of us want to knack. Sex is so intrinsic, instinctive. But in order to get comfortable talking about sex, we have to change how we think about it. Sex is not a dirty word. Even if you are uncomfortable, the one person you should start breaking that barrier with is your partner. There are lots of bad advice about sex talk out there. Instead of taking advice from people who are as clueless as you, or worse, going to porn to learn, why not openly talk to your partner? Besides, when you have children how will you give them the sex talk if you don’t start now?!
Fam, please, shine your eyes. If you are married, talk about what you want. You have bodily agency. If you are not, ask questions o, regardless of whether or not you are married. If you read articles by professional marriage counsellors or listen to older couples, you’ll know that sex is a very common cause of divorce. Don’t become another needless marriage anecdote. Shine your eyes!