I remember when I was off dating for three years before my current relationship. Back then, if anyone had asked to pick between – ‘A boyfriend or money to travel the world’ I would have gladly taken the money to travel the world. The reason was simple: I wasn’t itching to be in a new relationship. Also, I was enjoying exploring and discovering myself.
So when a guy eventually came knocking, I was a bit hesitant to start dating again. And to be honest, the early stage of the relationship was a bit rocky for me as I struggled to adjust from being single to being ‘coupled’!
This post is for other girls like me: those who have been out of the dating scene for a while and are looking to get back in. Here are a few tips that may help.
Keep an open mind
Sometimes because we’re happy being single, we’re quick to ‘block’ anyone who shows the slightest tendency of imperfection. Or anyone who is not the exact picture we have in our heads. My advise is to keep an open mind and give yourself and the other person some time to get to know each other. You may be in for a pleasant surprise.
Don’t judge a book by its cover
Sometimes we see the cover and we write the person off and claim that we just ‘knew’ the person wasn’t right for us. Meanwhile, we weren’t really willing to try. We judged the book by its cover and decided upfront that we would move on. Understand that there are many possible outcomes when relationships are being formed. You may meet someone and have chemistry and a spark immediately. Or you may meet someone and have to make an extra effort to look past their ‘cover’ and find that you actually have a connection. So much so, that the cover matters less or doesn’t matter at all in the end.
Don’t rush things
On the flip side, don’t come back into the dating scene with a target to be engaged in two months and married in three (I exaggerate but you get my point). The first person you start dating after your hiatus doesn’t have to be the one. You may feel like you really don’t have the time or patience for any more breakups but as they say, a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. Take your time to get to really get to know whoever you’re considering. Don’t hold back on the questions and don’t make assumptions that may come back to haunt you in the future.
There’s no exact science or to these things. You may feel a bit awkward when you come back to dating, as you would if you started riding a bicycle or driving a car after taking a long break. But stay confident and true to who you are and don’t overthink things. Enjoy the process. You ‘gat’ this.