There’s a certain ‘woke’ slang that goes, dey for the people who dey for you” which simply translates to ‘stand for only those who stand for you.’
It was something I thought to apply to my life when I was beginning to feel I was the only person reaching out to some of my friends. #Sigh. It felt like I was doing the most, trying to always see how everyone was faring, especially in this COVID season.
So recently, I deliberately ghosted a few people. I realized I could not be the only one doing the work required to keep the entire friendship. I wanted to feel seen, heard, validated. The more I thought about it, the more I was resolved in my decision.
However, let’s just say I’ve had some time to consider my sentiments. While my emotions were valid, I’ve begun to rethink those quotes/philosophies that promote doing good only when others do good to you. The thing is, life gets messy, and so do friendships and relationships.
For instance, the friend who I was low-key no longer checking up on was having health issues and another who reached out after a while had relocation problems. Hearing from both of them made me realize how hard it is to look up from our problems. Your friends are probably going through stuff, or you are going through stuff. It is not their fault, it’s not yours either. It’s just the way things are.
Imagine if you are carrying a grudge and the person you are holding back from passes away? God forbid, yes. But people are fighting many unseen battles and being self-absorbed by our need for connection doesn’t help the situation. When my sense of entitlement starts to creep in, I remember that I have friends too who do check in more than I do with them. It has helped to keep me objective.
Another woke saying also states that this life no balance at all.” which can be loosely translated to ‘life is not a check and balance scenario, dotting your i’s and crossing your ts would not always lead to a perfect situation.’
You cannot predict what wave life might throw at you, but you can hope to be strong enough to handle whatever comes. I choose peace of mind by doing what I can when I can. Striving to be a better individual shouldn’t depend on other people’s validation.