Friendship breakups are the worst if you ask me. I feel that we don’t talk about them enough and are too silent about what the process is like for us. We grieve when people die, when romantic relationships end, but when our besties turn on us, we get defensive and act as if we were not broken by it. In this post, I hold space for three women to recall a friendship break up and be vulnerable enough to say how it made them feel.
Ella, 24
Everything was going well with my childhood bestie until we both got into the university and became roommates was one year ahead of her so it just made sense that when she got admission the next year we came roommates. We shared everything from clothes, food, and even friends. All my friends liked her and I think that I liked her more than just a friend. I think how we started falling apart started when I realized that I was changing in the university. My belief system, mindset, values changed and I stopped going to church. We both grew up very conservative and while she remained that way I became more liberal. To be honest, I was a shitty roommate to her as I never shared in the chores and was quite lazy. Then she had a boyfriend who I became quite jealous of. When our friendship ended, I found out that she had shared private things of me with other people and told her family exaggerated versions which made them tell her to move out. I cried it all out until I made new friends and moved on.
Armante’, 21
My bestie and I were friends for 3 years and we went on vacation together. There were 3 of my friends and my friend kept leaving me behind to hang out with the other girl with who I wasn’t friends. Of course, I told her about how I felt and I thought that was it but for months, I was texting her and sending check-ins but got no reply which I didn’t think much of because I know how busy she is. But one day, I wanted to send her something on IG but couldn’t find her account. I thought she had deactivated until I went to Twitter and saw that I have been blocked. I felt like I was dying. Then she sent me a message from her computer saying, don’t contact me, I have blocked you and you wanting to ask why makes me uncomfortable. I called my mom crying. I went back to school trying my best to avoid places she might be. I fight the urge to use my burner account to check on her and it doesn’t help that I miss her family so much.
Mirabel, 25
I used to have an inseparable friend when I was in school. I send to look up to her a lot and she used to look up to me. As at that time, I was more of an introvert and very much into my shell. She was older than me so she had a lot of experience with a lot of things like make-up, guys and everything else. We confided in each other a lot until all of a sudden, we started to fight a lot and our energies just weren’t agreeing with each other anymore. I was starting to grow in another direction and she was too. Slowly, we drifted and we both found new cliques of friends. It wants until final year when I got into a situation and I knew she was the only person who would have understood me. I wish things didn’t end the way they did. She called me out of the blue recently and we reminisced on and times.
Have you had a friendship breakup at any point? What did you learn from the experience?