I have been an ardent follower of the BBN lockdown show. I have laughed, criticized, and supported a fav. I love the Big Brother show, I watch it every year and find the behaviors of the housemates, and every turn of events fascinating.
This year, I think it is safe to say that we have 2 most talked-about “ships” in the house. There is the Kiddrica ship that left everyone gushing with emotions and showed us the rawness of desire. I loved them and enjoyed watching them to the extent that I have some videos saved on my phone. And then, there is the ship (I don’t call them a ship) that was Nengi and Ozo and has everyone perplexed at Ozo’s insistent and pressure to have Nengi as his lover at all cost.
We see him writing letters, serving her breakfast in bed, and always seeking her out for a talk. For this ship, a lot of social media controversy has ensued and most people were divided into two distinct narrative which are- Ozo should leave Nengi alone because he is being obsessive and, Nengi likes Ozo too, she is just pretending. In the middle somewhere are people who felt that Nengi liked the attention or she is not been assertive enough.
Taking a step back from these escalated emotions and speaking outside the reality of Nengi and Ozo, I am reminded of times where I have had to use my voice and actions loudly so that the other party gets the message that I am not interested.
As women, we have all been a Nengi with someone at the other end trying to ask us out or be in a relationship with us. And sometimes we are people pleasers who find it difficult to say that we are not interested for fear of hurting the other person or ruining a friendship.
But establishing boundaries with someone who wants to be more than just friends with you is important and healthy for both of you. Communicating such boundaries for me effectively starts by being;
Assertive and firm
Because you have the right to say no, use it. Especially when you are not interested. Saying no with certainty and firmness makes the person realize to a certain extent that there is little to no chance and they pursue at their peril.
Be heavy on the need for personal space
Set out your space requirements because if every and anything goes, it might lead to the wrong messaging. This involves physical intimacy too. Hugs and holding hands are simple gestures really, but until it is a safe space and understanding of friendship, do the least.
Reject their offers
If they are in the habit of doing things for you, try to turn as many as you can down. For them, this might be their love language and an attempt to win you over. Acceptance could make it seem as though they are succeeding.
Boundaries are important and helps you get control of things. I hope this helps you set the right boundaries and doing your part and I also hope the other person is respectful enough to listen.