‘I’m not sure I want to marry you anymore.’
I remember hearing these dreaded words – words that no one in a committed relationship wants to hear.
I felt like someone had punched me in the chest, leaving me in a state of shock, confusion and weirdly enough, denial. You see, in order to deal with the trauma of a lost relationship, your mind tells you the other person did not mean those words.
This denial helps to soothe the initial shock. For me, it didn’t help that this was totally unexpected and out of the blue. Yes, we had challenges, but which relationship doesn’t, right? Anyway, thankfully life doesn’t end when a relationship fails or ends. However, it’s important to take out time and allow the process of healing take its course. Below are a few things that worked for me.
Accept it
Like I said earlier, denial sort of helps you deal with the initial shock but if your partner truly meant what they said, you will have to come to terms with what the situation is, not what you would like it to be. Accept that this is happening, and the other person cannot be shackled or tied to the relationship. Plus you would rather not have to persuade or convince anyone to stay with you, that should be of their own accord.
Evaluate the relationship
They say vision is always 20/20 in hindsight. It’s easy to put the blame on the other person and paint them as the Devil, because again this sort of soothes our pain, momentarily. But try and be objective when taking stock. The only person whose actions you have control over is you. So, evaluate the relationship and look for ways you could have been better or done things differently. Or maybe signs you intentionally overlooked that you will not be overlooked next time. Experiences occur for us to learn and hopefully grow and make better decisions in the future.
Affirm yourself
The tendency to walk around thinking there is something wrong with you (except you’re actually a sociopath) because someone you loved left(especially if this happens more than once) is quite high but unnecessary. Yes, you may have some things to work on, as we all do but walking around thinking you’re the worst thing since our current government started their term *tongue out* is a no-no. It can form a self-sabotaging cycle where you almost feel grateful if someone gives you any attention because you think you’re a terrible person who doesn’t deserve good things. Or you end up going into relationships with a huge bout of cynicism, expecting the person to eventually leave, sometimes becoming self-destructive.
Pick yourself back
Give yourself time to ‘mourn’ but don’t stay there for too long. Life is to be loved and lived. Love and get to know yourself more. Take yourself out on dates, enjoy your friendships, cherish your solitude. There’s nothing wrong with desiring to have a partner but with or without one you are enough.
It’s a new year still, with all the amazing opportunities that come with it. Don’t waste time brooding over what is lost. Have fun. Live your best life and expect good things to come your way.