Before I got married, my husband and I (actually just I) had a grand plan about how we’d wait for a year before trying for a baby. We actually did wait – two months. One day I somehow felt a strange desire to be pregnant before evening, and I tried to convince him to buy “natural conception supplements”, but he wouldn’t budge. Somehow, I found myself pregnant by the third month and was ecstatic to be a new mum. The pregnancy journey was on track, I thought.
And so it began. All the things I had assumed soon flew out the window, and I learnt that:
Morning Sickness is not ‘morning’ sickness
To call it ‘morning’ sickness is to put it mildly. It lasts the whole day and sometimes, night. A week passed since I knew I was pregnant before I started showing symptom. Suddenly, day after day I started getting more and more tired, and throwing up all through the day. By the end of the second week, I was certain something was wrong with me and that my child was forcing my body to shut down (I admit I’m a drama queen). I convinced my husband I was dying, so we went straight to the hospital. Over the next eight weeks, I would learn that considering what other women went through, I was getting off easy in the morning sickness department. It was like being sentenced to Community Service when you could have easily been thrown into prison.
Pregnancy can be lonely; keep a tribe of good women around you
My husband and I agreed not to tell anyone till we were in the second trimester. He’s a very private person. I am private too, but everyone in my sisters’ circle is family. Beyond this, I did not know how to manage anyone’s emotions if I lost the pregnancy or something happened. However, I needed the reassurance every once in a while that I wasn’t dying. So I called my sister and told her. Much later, I told one of my closest friends. This would prove to be good judgment. Apart from the daily reassurances, they were also very gracious to bring me cooked food and other comfort items often.
Good healthcare is not a luxury
I mentioned earlier that I had convinced my husband I was dying, so we went to the hospital. We had just moved houses so we were looking for a good hospital that was close to the house. The first hospital where I registered was a mess. After telling the doctor I was six weeks pregnant, he still recommended Chloroquine tablets for scanty malaria. My husband, in his good judgment, asked me to hold off for a bit. Convinced I was dying, but still trying to err on the side of caution, I called my sister, who at once confirmed that I should throw it away. Of course, I had to look for another hospital. In hindsight, I’m glad I changed hospitals, as my previous healthcare provider would not have been able to handle the complications that came with delivery.
You can do everything right and still have complications
I’m normally a scattered person but I wasn’t playing any games with my child’s life. I closed early, didn’t miss any appointments, ate what was best for me and my baby, and took care of myself as best as I could. Still, I had to have an emergency Caesarian Section at 33 weeks because my baby’s heartbeat was low. We’d also spend 11 days in the hospital so the doctor could take care of him and ensure he was in tip-top shape. I remember asking myself if I did anything wrong during my pregnancy. I didn’t. It was what it was and I was grateful to be alive and have a healthy pre-term baby by my side when it ended.
Postpartum depression is more common than you know
My baby had a few health complications so it was only logical that my first emotions (when you remove the debilitating headaches and pain) were worry and love, in that order. I cried a lot but started to feel better when my son came home (I left the hospital before him). About three weeks after, I sank into depression. I would spend my mornings crying and wanting to be alone. I also had extreme mood swings and would lash out at my husband at the slightest instance. Apparently, all my mummy-friends experienced this. With PPD, self-care will get you everywhere. As a new mum, ask for help, rest, and try not to worry about the things you cannot change. You NEED a Nanny, so get one, even if it’s a temp. Be sure to have healthy boundaries and tune out conversations where people put you under any kind of pressure. It’s okay not to love your postpartum body, but it’s not healthy to obsess over it to the point where it compounds depression.
Trust your Intuition
A woman always knows her baby best. It’s intuition – the reason I’ll choose surgery at 33 weeks rather than gamble with my child’s life. Pregnancy and being a first time mum can be a bit of a learning curve, but trust that you’ll know what’s best for your child (and when you don’t know, you’ll ask for help). People will come with plenty of unsolicited advice. Know what to chew and know what to throw away.
It is always worth it
When my mum told me she had hyperemesis gravidarum in her time, I asked her why she put herself through it three more times. Was it worth it for her? Was I worth it when I thought I was pregnant at sixteen? Her answer, is now my answer. Which of my siblings would I rather not have? As a new mum, I know that it was, and still is, worth it.
Here’s to thriving, self-care and making the best decisions for you and your baby. I’m learning that it’s a journey, and pregnancy and childbirth are only the first steps, there’s more to life as a first time mum.