When I stepped back into the dating scene, I did not expect guys to be lined at my feet. Or for them to be waiting to dazzle me romantically. I have always considered dating to be awkward, even stressful. The whole thing feels like interviewing for some dream illusory job. Except you leave feeling so scrutinised and oftentimes, the situation does not escalate at your preferred pace. There is also the issue of chemistry and compatibility which you need to have for the other party. Or worse, just meeting men who don’t have sense. #Sigh.
Anyhoo, as I was hobnobbing in the dating pool, I met V. He was the type of guy I would usually fall for – shy, soft spoken, kind eyes. He talked about faith a lot on our first meeting. I’m not saying I was already planning our wedding, but sis! he pulled all my buttons. Because I liked him, I got so wound up in my emotions and failed to assess the situation more objectively. Many months later, with everything now properly spilled in the gutter, I finally have the word for the way V was handling things. Breadcrumbing.
That’s right: Breadcrumbing is when a person strings you along. They make no commitment to you but keep the lines of communication open enough to keep you interested or to feel that they are still a viable option. It’s kind of like an ego boost. Thinking back now, it should have been more obvious to me but a JJC will take a while before she learns the true price of crayfish. Okay, too much for an example but you get my point.
If you are in a romantic type thing that you cannot even define, here are a few tips to tell if the guy is breadcrumbing you.
You initiate most of the conversation
Sure, he is enthusiastic in his replies, even flirtatious. You get the feelings of attraction and tension typical in boy-girl relationships. Except it’s always at your prompt. He hardly willfully seeks you out on his own.
Conversations are general and non-specific
So you talk for long hours when you reach out but it’s you asking all the personal question. His interests are surface, revolving around music, entertainment. He also shows no genuine interest in whether you are in a relationship or not. Or in asking any other questions that are romantically inclined. Of course, occasionally he will call you and flirt heavily.
You are genuinely confused
Sis, this is the thing. If a guy is hovering over you and you are not sure what his intentions are, please ask him. There’s no such thing as appearing desperate or clingy. Avoid stories that touch and avoid them on time.
He pursues only when you create a distance
You finally decide to mind your business and dude is feeling an ego drop, so he pops in once in a while to resume the flirting. Breadcrumbing alert!! You may find that after an intense conversation when you’ve let your guard down, he disappears only to resurface three weeks later and resume the cycle.
Honestly
Dating as a thirty plus woman feels like Lagos traffic, so hectic. You know the destination you have in mind, but the road is so clogged, and your car is overheating. Lool. Still, give yourself a break. Shine your eye and refuse to tolerate men who do not step up their game.
Have you had any crazy dating experiences recently? Please share your teachable moments with us in the comment section.