Work can be stressful a lot. Late nights, long hours, unusual demands from your employers or stakeholders. It’s only natural that colleagues’ bond over the stress. So there you are, spending all those extra hours with your teammate and his funny jokes. It is supposed to be nothing, at best casual. Because he is married, and you know that means he is absolutely off limit. Still, his jokes are funny. And slowly, quietly, you begin to catch ‘feelings.’
There are many other situations like this, it may be a married man, a friend’s ex, or maybe just someone that is evidently bad for you and you have no business being with. It’s hard to navigate and the world nowadays tells us to do whatever makes us happy and follow our hearts. Unfortunately, your heart can’t always be trusted, and it can lead you into places you have no business going. So, what do you do if you find yourself in this position?
Respect the reason why it’s forbidden
It’s forbidden for a reason, most likely because someone will get hurt or maybe not but whatever the reason, respect that. Respect the other person enough to stay away. It may be hard initially, but we have more control over our emotions than we care to admit.
Process your feelings
Do you really like the person or just the idea of being with that person or someone like that person? You may discover that it’s just the idea of being with that person, what they carry or what comes with the package. It may also be that you like the person. Fine. But in processing your feelings, you also have to come to terms with the fact that the person is not yours and trust that if they were meant for you, they would be with you, in a way that would probably require less chaos. Also believe that you will meet the one for you and that if this ‘heartthrob’ of yours exists, it’s proof that there are others out there just as perfect or even more perfect for you. Trust that you will meet them and either way, you will be fine.
Talk to someone
There is a saying that ‘evil thrives in isolation’. I find this to be true for the most part. Once evil is exposed it tends to have a lesser effect. If you really want to stop yourself from being a ‘villain’ talk to a trusted, non-judgemental person honestly and openly and stay accountable. Sometimes knowing that someone knows your intentions could hold you back from doing what you feel like, especially if that person is checking in regularly. They could also help you process your feelings, which would make carrying the burden easier till you eventually get over the person.
Cut all ties
I personally believe this is the easiest way to kill feelings for a person. The other person may not understand but they will be alright. Protect yourself, protect your heart because you will most likely be the one to get hurt. Life is hard enough without adding self-inflicted emotional trauma to it. If it’s someone that you work with or just can’t avoid then keep conversations strictly to the reason why you’re together and nothing else. In the early days, you may feel like you will die and be tempted to run back to the status quo. Don’t let your heart deceive you, let some time pass. You will be fine.