I’m a little slow to the party but I’ll confess: it took me a while to connect my seasonal low moods with my menstrual cycle. I bet this is something many women relate to—one minute you are weighed down by an inexplicable sadness, thinking sometimes in extremes, wondering why the world is so bad and why you have lost interest in everything; then the next minute, your period comes, the weight evaporates, and all is right with the world again. Lol. Periodic hormonal mood swings are not new to me, but like other things I didn’t connect early enough, I’m now realizing that every holiday season has the potential to feel lonely and triggering; especially since I moved into a new country. So, what was I supposed to do? Just simply feel sad every holiday, or feel like trash a few days every month? No, na. It occurred to me that if I pre-empt my period a little more intentionally, I can have my cinnamon sticks on time, and ladies, trust me, cinnamon tea works great for PMS. Like, best thing since the covid vaccine o. In the same way, I realize that if I pre-empt the holidays, I am less likely to wake up on the 26th feeling sad and missing a home I never really had. Anyway, if you are like me and grapple with the occasional loneliness that comes during the holidays, here are a few tips that might help.
Create a holiday schedule/tradition
See, if you don’t make plans, you likely won’t have plans. Lol. Sounds obvious, but not to me back then. Many times, our holiday routines are largely dependent on other people, especially if you are from a very communal background. It’s helpful to ask yourself what you hope to get from the season, and how you can make it important enough to be anticipated. For instance, you could decide to hold a digital reading/writing retreat with close friends, or a self-care retreat with other women. You could decide to volunteer at a charity, or intentionally re-kindle the flames of waning relationships. It could also be the idea of making hand crafted gifts for people you care about or writing to people in prison systems. Basically, give your holiday an opportunity to have its own meaning.
Be available
The great thing about the holidays is that people are likely doing one thing or the other, even if it’s not personal, it could be in your church or local community. It might be helpful to clear out your schedule and commit to a few invitations ahead of the holidays. Who knows, even that plan to ‘set you up’ with someone might be interesting.
Don’t perform happiness
I know that we perform a lot of things, much in the manner of going through the motions. However, just because everybody you know is chirpy doesn’t mean you should pretend. This mostly applies to speaking to your loved ones about how you feel, or scheduling therapy because there’s no point waiting till January if you are thick in the struggle in the middle of December.
Be your own secret Santa
The holidays are a great time to thank our friends and family, but it’s so easy to get sidetracked in gift giving, that we forget that we, ourselves, have done the most important work; we have loved our minds and bodies and gone through the challenges of the year. Sis, you deserve gifts too, something within your budget but also, why not go big? An upgraded wardrobe? (hello Christmas discounts) or maybe a new car. Essentially, decide that during the holidays, you are going to be getting some love, because you clearly deserve it.
No comparisons
Clearly, most people have not had a ‘normal’ holiday since the pandemic started, so, there might be that temptation to feel nostalgic for all the Christmases before 2019. Or simply to compare this Christmas with another one when you were with a certain person or had a certain job. See, those kinds of comparisons never end well. Just focus on this moment and make it the best that it can possibly be.
I’d love to hear your thoughts or tips in the comment section. Until then, I wish you a very happy December.