The other day, in a feat of panic, I picked up my phone and deleted the dating apps I had there – all three of them. Being single in a long drawn-out pandemic year meant that I had been somewhat reliant on dating apps to at least create the illusion of trying, of thinking that I was giving my best shot to my love life. Like my mother often says, you can’t just fold your hands at home and expect things to happen. Well, I did not fold my hands o, I kept swiping left and omo! I saw pepper. lol.
I may have talked about my dating experience once or twice here, which isn’t really much to go by. I’ve met a ton of people on those apps, many of whom could not string a single sentence together without asking for nudes, sex, or the meals I like to cook for my men. People warned me about how strange the dating scene had become, but omo! This was all next level ridiculous.
Was I expecting some kind of long, idealistic courtship? Not really. Was I expecting to find normal people who were at least interested in having adult conversations? Yes, very much so. Sadly, as far as these dating apps go, there is not much to see or meet. There is, however, a lot of sex to be had.
Like I said, I met all sorts of men, from those who give stalker, serial killer vibe to those who live in their parent’s basement. At this point, I can write a whole profile on ten types of men that lurk on those streets. Lol. This is not an anti-sex post, I promise, but there’s just something I really want to understand. You see, I recently went on a first date with a guy who insisted, in the first two dates, to go back to his place, and have sex. Now, of all the guys I’ve met on the apps, this one was the most subtle. There was one who wanted me to come over to his place for the first date so we could eat and then, ‘enjoy’ each other. (Let’s not even get to all the sexual innuendos on the streets these days.)
Like I said, I’m not trying to be moral police, far from that o. The issue here is not about what women choose to do with their bodies, or how they choose to express their own sexual agency. I do not think sex is something a man takes from a woman, or a virtue that the woman gives up when she surrenders herself. Such language all some pretentious patriarchal game that has lost its relevance. However, I’m still a bit gobsmacked by the causal sex culture in these climes. Maybe it’s because I am in a western country and leaving Nigeria meant I had to unlearn the pretentious conservatism practiced at home. But omo, I can’t quite explain demanding sex from someone because you met somewhere for brunch, or even coffee.
Of course, sex is consensual. If you are feeling it, by all means, get on board. But sis, what I cannot stand is the laziness. Bare minimum folks who cannot sustain a conversation or relationship, wanting to just shack and go home. These days they won’t even do you the courtesy of keeping in touch, there is zero interest in getting to know you as a person.
It’s called the hook up game. Basically, you meet a guy; he chats with you enough to set up an appointment. The really creepy ones will even offer to come to your house. You watch a movie, have sex, he leaves, and you never hear from him again. A second scenario is that you have sex, he leaves, barely keeps in touch expect to reach out on a Thursday or Friday to make plans for more weekend sex.
There are all kinds of framework in which causal sex exists, among friends, colleagues, frenemies etc. Like I said o, it’s not the lack of commitment that bothers me, after all, you don’t have to pop a ring to everybody you sleep with, it’s the lack of conversation, the lack of communication, the bare-minimum razz ness of it all.
Anyway, it really is a personal take. As for me, I got tired of the roundabout process that often boiled back down to meeting a guy, having a ridiculously tedious conversation, going out and expecting sex to happen.
Interestingly, somewhere among the crowd, there might be a few interesting people who you don’t necessarily have to date but can forge genuine friendships or work relationships with. Have I met even one of them? No. Will I hang around these apps hoping to meet one of them? Haa, I do not think so!