You know that one friend who always has an excuse every time you make plans. It’s either she will work late, or wants to clean up, or is suddenly not feeling well. It’s not like you are judging her. You and your other girlfriends have come to love and appreciate her for who she is: a home buddy. But it’s one thing to have a friend who, as we say, tends to fall your hand when its time for hanging out. And its quite a different kind of frustration to marry a spouse who never wants to do anything or go anywhere. #Sigh.
It’s true, opposites attract. So when your extroverted nature was falling in love, you probably did not anticipate the Friday nights planted in front of the television watching news! So now that you are with this spouse, what do you do? How do you handle them?
Communicate how you feel
Introverted nature aside, there are so many reasons why your spouse may not want to go out as much or at all. It may be that they feel there isn’t enough money for such or something else is bugging them and they’re just not in the mental space to go out. It could be anything, but communicating how you feel and truly listening to them is the first mature step to take in tackling this issue.
Don’t nag, give time for your spouse to make good on promises
Sometimes we feel because we’ve had a discussion about things and maybe your spouse has agreed to do better that things will change immediately. And if things don’t change, we begin to nag. Nagging will not take you very far or get you any results. Remind them politely, don’t constantly hound them.
Go out with your friends anyway
Human beings are interesting. Your spouse may see you hanging and having fun with your friends they may suddenly want in on the fun and make more of an effort to go out with you. I have seen this work first-hand with a friend of mine. Her husband was never really interested in going out, so she didn’t let it get to her. She started going out for tea, lunch, dinner, etc with her friends and he felt left out and started making more of an effort and even suggested places to go. Problem solved.
Be patient
After all is said and done, you have to be patient and be willing to give time(sometimes lots of it) for your partner to change. Many, or rather, nobody changes overnight. Also understand that if your spouse was happy to tag along when you were still dating, they were most likely trying to impress and make you happy, which we all do. In marriage, most people’s true colours come out and it doesn’t mean they don’t love you anymore but it’s just really who they are and people can only pretend for so long. It doesn’t mean change is impossible but it may take some time.
Also, manage your expectations. They may end up being the one nudging you guys to go out once they realise that they actually enjoy doing that with you OR they may not and you may both have to come to a consensus and agree on days you go out and days you ‘couch potato’ together. 🙂