One thing I have learnt by observing a few of my friends who are in romantic relationships is how different each relationship is. I suppose that’s an obvious fact, but specifically, some couples have partners who are too independent. Other couples are co-dependent, doing everything together from business to vacation. Lol. It all boils down to compatibility and adaptation.
No relationship is perfect. But I do think issues of compatibility matters, especially if the partners will complement each other. The question I like to ask myself is: Are you ready to put in the work of learning if you fit into your partner’s lifestyle, and if not, are willing to adapt?
Below are a few standards I use to gauge things generally.
Intellect
I am the digital, creative guru and my husband is the history/I know-everything-going-on-in-the-world buff. We’re always in a position to learn from each other because we both pursue more knowledge in the areas we’re interested in. We are a fit because both of us are intellectually aware of our interests and we bring it into our conversations. This means we always have things to talk about. Oshey! The truth is that, if you cannot have stimulating conversations with your romantic partner, then the relationship might feel unnecessarily stressful.
Spirituality/Moral Values
You have to be really honest with yourself on this one. Personally, I’d rather not have a divided house on this because I’m also thinking of my kids. I want my partner and I to teach our kids the same things and be unified in regards to this. I understand this does not have to be the case for everyone. My point is, if it’s something you are willing to compromise on, be sure that you understand the stakes.
Life’s Mission And Purpose
If my partner believes their life’s mission is to be a humanitarian in the backside of Zimbabwe and I’m looking forward to living the American dream, no matter how in love we are, that relationship is heading to the rocks. Plus a life’s mission/purpose is not something you should have to compromise on. At least in my opinion.
Now, maybe you are thinking: All this talk about compatibility? Where does love fit in? My sister, I wonder o. Lol
Anyway, I believe you can have both. There’s no textbook answer for these things. When you are mostly compatible with your partner, you’ll still have to compromise a little. So there’s no avoiding that. Know what you want out of life and in your relationship and be with someone who desires are close enough.
As with everything, whether compatible and in love or not, you’ll still have to be intentional and put in the work to make a great marriage.