Let’s start with concepts. Many medical professionals tend to use the physiological changes to the body as a basis for defining the orgasm, whereas psychologists and mental health professionals lean towards emotional and cognitive changes. For the purpose of this article, let’s agree that an orgasm is a complex reaction that has different components including the physical and psychological.
There are people who think that women do not orgasm, or at least, are not entitled to them. A part of this myth comes from the fact that the female orgasm is not always accompanied by ejaculation, unlike the more popular and more widely studied male orgasm. But that idea is made redundant by the tons of women everywhere having sex and reaching orgasm. Yes sis, regardless of your sexual history, orgasms are real, and you deserve them.
However, while women are able to achieve orgasm (and ejaculation even sometimes), it is not absolutely necessary for the enjoyment of sex. I mean, the female orgasm appears to be purely for the purpose of pleasure, hence the lack of constant ejaculation. There is no universal experience of the female orgasm, as women experience it different ways, still, sex can still be pleasurable even without the climax.
Now, about helping you achieve your well-deserved orgasm, it is important for us women to take time to explore our bodies extensively in order to discover what gives us pleasure. Basically, you cannot guide your partner to pleasure you if you don’t even know your body. This personal self-exploration is helpful because it eliminates the self-consciousness that may be a hindrance when with a partner. Sis, don’t be afraid to touch yourself and experiment with sex toys in order to find what feels good for your body.
After discovering what your erogenous zones and pleasure spots are, it is now time to communicate these things to your partner. Look, if you are comfortable enough to have sex, you should be comfortable enough to talk sex with your partner. Telling your partner what you like and how you like it is important to have a truly enjoyable time. Remember that your partner is not a mind reader and may not know what particular moves will work best for you.
Physical attraction to your partner, in addition to feeling safe and comfortable enough to communicate your needs adds to the excitement phase and can trigger all the reactions associated with the excitement phase including increased lubrication and expansion of the vagina.
All factors considered, there might be other reasons standing between you and your orgasm. Some of them include:
- relationship problems
- mental health issues
- poor physical health
- genitourinary issues, such as pelvic pain
- a history of abortion
- a history of female genital mutilation
- sexual abuse
- being religious, perhaps due to sexual shame and stigma
The idea is to become self-aware. Don’t accept a dull sex life as the status quo. Be willing to ask yourself what the point of stress might be, and once identified, be willing to talk through it with your partner. You deserve an orgasm, and there is no reason you shouldn’t be getting one.