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Sis! Saying NO is Selfcare

byMaritha Tobechukwu Okeibunor
September 20, 2020
inRelationships +
Learn to say no
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I have always found it hard to tell people NO. Such a simple word but it has the power to make you free or keep you tied down. Sadly, I didn’t learn its importance until I got into the University.

My university life came with a pipe of endless responsibilities. In a short time, I found myself thrust into volunteer work, church work and school work. Everything that came up had my attention because I was eager to prove myself.


There was also the fact that I didn’t want to be seen as rude or to hurt anybody’s feelings. In a sense, activities made me feel needed. There was this warmth that filled me up when I accomplished tasks. Those days I would tell myself “Omo, without you, so and so would not have happened.”It was a heady feeling but then I didn’t know that it was also a self destructive one.


When I began to notice something was wrong was during the final week to exams. I had two dinners to go to coupled with revision classes and to help out a friend in setting up a youth friendly library for church. While I was trying not to hurt anyone, I ended up being the person shouldering everyone’s burden with little time for myself.


Eventually I crashed and became sick. It was a harsh wake up call for me. Especially because all the activities that I signed up for and was assigned to do went on despite my “absence” while I was huddled up in the bed, coughing up phlegm and drinking hot tea.


Since then, it’s been easier for me to put myself first. Saying NO is liberating. Saying NO is selfcare. And it’s okay. We should normalise hearing and saying no, even if it’s to people we care about. Remember, no one is really indispensable. Prioritise. Choose yourself. And live a life that is balanced between work and rest.

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😂😂Hope you guys are having an awesome weeken 😂😂Hope you guys are having an awesome weekend!#africanmumsbelike
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Here's to the year we all work on all our relation Here's to the year we all work on all our relationships with people, because if 2020 taught us anything, it’s that family, friendships and genuine relationships are what matters.🥂
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#beingabetterfriend #betterfriendships #betterfriendshipsbetterlives #theladysroomng #theladys
"My 10-year-old self always imagined friendships i "My 10-year-old self always imagined friendships in my 20s being this never-ending sleep over and back-to-back vacations with my uber cool friends. Help me laugh. Well, turns out making or keeping friends isn’t always that easy. I am gradually more aware that to keep a friend, you have to try to be there. I am 100% guilty of not being the best friend sometimes and I am always trying to work on it. I shared a few pointers on how to achieve this." @ellapinkette Link in bio
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#theladysroomng #theladys #betterfriendship #betterfriendships #betterfriends #betterfriends
As we start this new year, be decisive about the r As we start this new year, be decisive about the relationships you keep. Pick a very sharp pair of scissors and cut off toxic people from your life! Also learn to recognize when you're the toxic one.😏
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#theladysroomng #theladys #toxicrelationships #toxicrelationship #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #toxicrelationshiprecovery #signsofatoxicrelationship #signsofatoxicperson #signsofatoxicfriendship #signsofatoxicfriend
"Once upon a time, I dated a man who was almost tw "Once upon a time, I dated a man who was almost twenty years older than me. Let’s call him Mr. O. Mr. O was emotionally abusing me, yet I couldn’t leave him, I thought I couldn’t live without him. And that, is a classic example of a toxic relationship. Anyone can be a victim of toxic relationships because it isn’t limited to romantic relationships only. It can also be with friends & family members. The signs of toxic relationships are broad, but it always involves certain things." Lizzy Temisan
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#theladysroomng #theladys #toxicrelationships #toxicfreeliving #toxicfree #toxicfreerelationships
The least you can do is try. Don’t write yoursel The least you can do is try. Don’t write yourself off before you’ve even made an attempt.😊#ifatfirstyoudontsucceedtrytryagain
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If you’re on Clubhouse, how has your experience If you’re on Clubhouse, how has your experience been so far?😊
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...And look them straight in the eye and say thank ...And look them straight in the eye and say thank you.👑💅
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#Repost @milly_aku So, sometime in February 2008, #Repost @milly_aku So, sometime in February 2008, Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi sought for a replacement of her international passport and was told by the immigration officials in Port Harcourt that she needed a written permission from her husband first.
What this means is that before a Nigerian married woman can be issued her international passport, she needs to get a letter of consent from her husband.
Apparently irked by this administrative policy that tramples on her right, Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi headed straight to court and sued the Nigerian Immigration services (NIS).
NIS justified the requirement by arguing that:
"Married women are classified alongside with minors by the government as persons who require consent from the head of the family".
NIS further argued that the requirement for consent of the husband was put in place to "perpetuate the authority of the man over his wife, no matter the status she had attained in the society".
They also stated that the requirement was set to
"avoid unnecessary breakdown of the marriage institution in the country."
SMH
Anyway, Justice G.K. Olotu, the presiding judge of the Federal High court gave a judgment that has remained a source of exhilaration to every Nigerian woman.
The court threw out as unconstitutional the entrenched age-old oddity that required married women to obtain their husband's consent before acquiring or renewing their international passports.
In her verdict, Justice G.K. Olotu reportedly said,
“This kind of policy has no place in 21st century Nigeria.”
On June 1st 2009, NIS lost the case made against them by Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi, a woman who decided to speak up for herself and other women in Nigeria.
This is a gentle reminder to all girls and women, that we are the most important advocates for ourselves.
#womanofimpact #leadingwoman #blackwoman #bravewoman #feminist #advocate #womeninhistory #equalityforwomen #sheroe #genderequality #theladysroomng #theladys
Life is a gift, if we treat it like that, it would Life is a gift, if we treat it like that, it wouldn’t matter how old we are or what you have achieved. You have the gift of life, make the best of it.
Cheers to getting older in 2021!🥂
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