I once dated a guy who wouldn’t let me touch his phone. Now that I think of it, maybe it was just be who felt shut out and afraid to touch his phone. #Sigh. Thank God old things are passed away. Lol. It’s not like I’m one of those people who snoop around or read my partner’s messages. Because let’s face it, why give yourself high blood pressure?
For me, it was a question of trust. If I date you, then I trust you. If I trust you then what is the point of snooping? Things are not that simple but that’s the way I like to look at it.
In the same way, I wasn’t too keen on anyone going through my phone either. Not because I had anything to hide. It was just simple: why be with me if you can’t trust me?
With that ex, even when I began to suspect that he was cheating, I still didn’t go through his phone. When a guy can’t have conversations with a certain female name (yes my eye is sharp lol) in front of you anymore and he starts walking away from you to pick those calls, you know something is up. *clears throat.
Anyway, the truth eventually came out. Personally, my theory is to give your partner the benefit of the doubt while keeping your eyes open. If things are off, trust me, you’ll notice. But don’t torture yourself with paranoia and constantly looking for things on his phone. Sis, remember you are not an investigative journalist o! Ehen.
Also, snooping through private messages will age you fast. You can choose to let that experience define how you treat your new partner or not. If you’re insecure, your partner can help but they can’t heal or cure you of your insecurity. Only you can do that. If not you will keep on reacting to situations from a place of pain and insecurity.
On the flip side, if you’re aware that your partner has some insecurity from past hurts and betrayal, being open and transparent would be helpful, even if you can’t fix them entirely.
I worked on being healed from that betrayal from my past relationship before I got married. Today, my husband and I know each other’s passwords to our social media, email accounts, phones, pretty much everything. I find myself randomly picking up his phone to check for interesting ‘gist’ on WhatsApp. He also does the same of me. Neither of us flinches when this happens.
If we were still dating, I would maybe understand boundaries here and there but in marriage, I would wonder what for. I understand that if your partner has a career where some things can’t be shared there may need to be some boundaries so that you don’t see what you’re not supposed to in that regard. But with everything else I recommend total honesty and openness.
Finally, like our people say, if your hands are clean, it won’t bother you one bit.