• Inspiration +
    • Interviews
    • Career
    • Food
    • Money
  • Relationships +
    • Romance
    • Family
    • Friendships
  • Life +
    • Home/Family
    • Leisure
    • Growing Up
    • Weddings
  • Beauty +
    • Body Care
    • Style
    • Health
  • The Guest Room
No Result
View All Result
The Lady's Room
  • Inspiration +
    • Interviews
    • Career
    • Food
    • Money
  • Relationships +
    • Romance
    • Family
    • Friendships
  • Life +
    • Home/Family
    • Leisure
    • Growing Up
    • Weddings
  • Beauty +
    • Body Care
    • Style
    • Health
  • The Guest Room
The Lady's Room
  • Inspiration +
    • Interviews
    • Career
    • Food
    • Money
  • Relationships +
    • Romance
    • Family
    • Friendships
  • Life +
    • Home/Family
    • Leisure
    • Growing Up
    • Weddings
  • Beauty +
    • Body Care
    • Style
    • Health
  • The Guest Room
No Result
View All Result
The Lady's Room
No Result
View All Result
Advertise with us
Home Life + Home/Family

Love and Relationships: Do Gender Roles Hurt?

For the longest time, I fought against the idea of needing a man, much less being dependent on him. This made me very defensive when I started dating

byNnedimma Ofili-Egungwu
August 9, 2018
inHome/Family, Life +
Man
Share on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on WhatsappShare on Google Share on LinkedinEmail

For the longest time, I fought against the idea of needing a man, much less being dependent on him. This made me very defensive when I started dating. I was especially ungracious when I was offered material gifts by guys I was dating. I was so scared of developing an appetite for things I could not otherwise afford. And becoming subject to the whims and caprices of the givers.

The Role of the Man

As I began to mature and put things in their perspective, I learned to accept gifts graciously. And even ask for my partner’s help. But I also realised I had been reacting subconsciously to the idea that a the role of a man as a primary provider. With my leaning towards fairness, I also knew that it meant I would feel the need to hold up my end of the bargain and possibly struggle to fit into a more domesticated role than I could naturally tolerate.

Interestingly, I am the home manager in my marriage now. But I do this with the help of a domestic assistant. This is because I am incredibly averse to the mundane aspects of running a home from day to day. I neither have the inclination nor the physical energy. I’m more inclined to doing the mental work of planning and organising our finances, meals, and household routines. And that only because I’m better suited to the job by nature, not by gender.

An Involved Partner

However, my partner is just as involved in caring for our child as I am, especially now that he’s much older and no longer dependent on my breastfeeding. Financially, we both put in 100% and then allocate funds to the individual and collective needs of every family member. Emotionally, spiritually, and otherwise, I expect a united front, and the ability to hold the fort for and lift up each other when either of us is low on such resources.

It’s not perfect yet as my man and I are both work in progress. But at the end of the day, we are both committed to growing into our best selves and ignoring the constraints of society’s enforced roles. We both agree that it’s okay for him to attend to our toddler while I attend to my work. And it’s okay for either of us to pick up the tab on an outing. When it comes to these things really, who’s says one is a woman’s and another a man’s job?

Social Roles

While I can acknowledge the roles that nature has thrust upon us, such as the woman being the child bearer and monthly period sufferer, *rolling my eyes*, there are other roles that are just artificially constructed and imposed. Assigning full responsibility for financial provision to a man who is more naturally inclined to nurture than he is to being financially or professionally driven, is inefficient and will probably lead to ineffectiveness. This is often compounded by the fact that such a man is more likely to be attracted to, and/or in a relationship with, a partner who is naturally ambitious and gifted in money-making, but who is actually chafing under the burden of a home management role she detests. It does no one any good and unnecessarily complicates the relationship.

The partner who is a wiz at finances should handle the books, regardless ofhis/her gender. The partner who’s better with the kids should be the primary caregiver, even if it’s the man. Gender roles can hurt the whole family when partners are forced to fit into roles they are not naturally suited to.

Conclusion

 

Regardless of gender, everyone has something to bring to the table. And everyone should be given the space to contribute authentically and joyfully. In the end, we must make a conscious effort to simplify our relationships. Put in the work from positions of strength. And we must endeavour to teach our children to do the same. Life is really not that hard.

Like this:

Like Loading...

Related

Tags: Carechildgenderhomeman
https://theladysroom.ng/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/WhatsApp-Video-2020-03-13-at-16.42.14.mp4

Don’t Miss Out on Latest Post, Sign Up Now!

theladysroom.ng

A safe space to talk and learn about all things African women. Laugh, love and learn at #TheLadysRoomng

Empowerment•Enablement•Women
Here's to the year we all work on all our relation Here's to the year we all work on all our relationships with people, because if 2020 taught us anything, it’s that family, friendships and genuine relationships are what matters.🥂
.
.
.
.
.
#beingabetterfriend #betterfriendships #betterfriendshipsbetterlives #theladysroomng #theladys
"My 10-year-old self always imagined friendships i "My 10-year-old self always imagined friendships in my 20s being this never-ending sleep over and back-to-back vacations with my uber cool friends. Help me laugh. Well, turns out making or keeping friends isn’t always that easy. I am gradually more aware that to keep a friend, you have to try to be there. I am 100% guilty of not being the best friend sometimes and I am always trying to work on it. I shared a few pointers on how to achieve this." @ellapinkette Link in bio
.
.
.
.
.
#theladysroomng #theladys #betterfriendship #betterfriendships #betterfriends #betterfriends
As we start this new year, be decisive about the r As we start this new year, be decisive about the relationships you keep. Pick a very sharp pair of scissors and cut off toxic people from your life! Also learn to recognize when you're the toxic one.😏
.
.
.
.
.
#theladysroomng #theladys #toxicrelationships #toxicrelationship #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #toxicrelationshiprecovery #signsofatoxicrelationship #signsofatoxicperson #signsofatoxicfriendship #signsofatoxicfriend
"Once upon a time, I dated a man who was almost tw "Once upon a time, I dated a man who was almost twenty years older than me. Let’s call him Mr. O. Mr. O was emotionally abusing me, yet I couldn’t leave him, I thought I couldn’t live without him. And that, is a classic example of a toxic relationship. Anyone can be a victim of toxic relationships because it isn’t limited to romantic relationships only. It can also be with friends & family members. The signs of toxic relationships are broad, but it always involves certain things." Lizzy Temisan
.
.
.
.
.
#theladysroomng #theladys #toxicrelationships #toxicfreeliving #toxicfree #toxicfreerelationships
The least you can do is try. Don’t write yoursel The least you can do is try. Don’t write yourself off before you’ve even made an attempt.😊#ifatfirstyoudontsucceedtrytryagain
.
.
.
.
.
#ifatfirstyoudontsucceeddustyourselfoffandtryagain #ifatfirstyoudontsucceed #keeptryingtho #theladysroomng #theladys #tryagainthursday #tryagain
She sure is!😊🌻🌼🌸 . . . . . #theladysro She sure is!😊🌻🌼🌸
.
.
.
.
.
#theladysroomng #theladys #youregoingplaces #youregoingplacesgirl #goingplaces #coilyandcute
If you’re on Clubhouse, how has your experience If you’re on Clubhouse, how has your experience been so far?😊
.
.
.
.
.
#newsocialmediaapp #newsocialmediaapps #clubhouseinvite #clubhouseapp #clubhouse #clubhouseexperience #theladysroomng #theladys
"Social media has a new kid on the block! Or rathe "Social media has a new kid on the block! Or rather, a new app on the block. You may wonder: ‘Ehen, how is this one different from the countless launches we’ve witnessed in the past?’ I totally understand your sentiment because I even struggle to keep up sometimes. So I suspect you've heard the new buzzword on people’s lips. That’s right, ‘Clubhouse’." Link in bio.
.
.
.
.
.
#theladysroomng #theladys #clubhouse #clubhouseapp #clubhouseappinvite #areyouonclubhouse #clubhouseapp
...And look them straight in the eye and say thank ...And look them straight in the eye and say thank you.👑💅
.
.
.
.
.
#theladysroomng #theladys #howtotakeacompliment #howtotakeacompliment101 #shondarhimes #shondarhimesquotes #shondarhimesquote
#Repost @milly_aku So, sometime in February 2008, #Repost @milly_aku So, sometime in February 2008, Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi sought for a replacement of her international passport and was told by the immigration officials in Port Harcourt that she needed a written permission from her husband first.
What this means is that before a Nigerian married woman can be issued her international passport, she needs to get a letter of consent from her husband.
Apparently irked by this administrative policy that tramples on her right, Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi headed straight to court and sued the Nigerian Immigration services (NIS).
NIS justified the requirement by arguing that:
"Married women are classified alongside with minors by the government as persons who require consent from the head of the family".
NIS further argued that the requirement for consent of the husband was put in place to "perpetuate the authority of the man over his wife, no matter the status she had attained in the society".
They also stated that the requirement was set to
"avoid unnecessary breakdown of the marriage institution in the country."
SMH
Anyway, Justice G.K. Olotu, the presiding judge of the Federal High court gave a judgment that has remained a source of exhilaration to every Nigerian woman.
The court threw out as unconstitutional the entrenched age-old oddity that required married women to obtain their husband's consent before acquiring or renewing their international passports.
In her verdict, Justice G.K. Olotu reportedly said,
“This kind of policy has no place in 21st century Nigeria.”
On June 1st 2009, NIS lost the case made against them by Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi, a woman who decided to speak up for herself and other women in Nigeria.
This is a gentle reminder to all girls and women, that we are the most important advocates for ourselves.
#womanofimpact #leadingwoman #blackwoman #bravewoman #feminist #advocate #womeninhistory #equalityforwomen #sheroe #genderequality #theladysroomng #theladys
Life is a gift, if we treat it like that, it would Life is a gift, if we treat it like that, it wouldn’t matter how old we are or what you have achieved. You have the gift of life, make the best of it.
Cheers to getting older in 2021!🥂
.
.
.
.
.
#theladysroomng #theladys #cheerstogettingold #cheerstogettingolder #cheerstogettingolderandwiser #cheerstogettingolderandhotter #dontfearoldage
"Sometime in October, a friend found a strand of w "Sometime in October, a friend found a strand of white hair on my head. It is the first one I have seen on my head, omo! I screamed. Let’s just say my reaction was very dramatic; I couldn’t believe that I was sprouting grey hairs. I was less than a year from turning thirty at the time. Which begs the question. Why are we afraid of getting older?" Lizzy Temisan. Link in bio.
.
.
.
.
.
#theladysroomng #theladys #gettingold #gettingolderandwiser #gettingolderandbetter #gettingolderandbetterlikewine
Follow on Instagram
Facebook Twitter Instagram Google+ Youtube Pinterest
DMCA.com Protection Status
  • About The Lady’s Room
  • Contact Us
  • Advert Placement
  • Privacy Policy

No Result
View All Result
  • Inspiration +
    • Interviews
    • Career
    • Food
    • Money
  • Relationships +
    • Romance
    • Family
    • Friendships
  • Life +
    • Home/Family
    • Leisure
    • Growing Up
    • Weddings
  • Beauty +
    • Body Care
    • Style
    • Health
  • The Guest Room

%d bloggers like this: