They say love is blind. It’s true! Especially to your own faults. Trust me, I know what I’m saying. I have been in relationships where I thought I was the best thing my partner had going. Thinking I could do no wrong, I always saw my partner as the one who needed change, the one who was always messing things up.
Granted, sometimes you could be in a relationship with a horrible person, but many times, we tend to look away from ourselves as equal fault carriers. I learnt from personal experience that when trying to fix relationship issues, if you could flip the gaze and look inwards, you’d find that there are a number of habits you have that others may find toxic. Or unsettling. Below are a few pointers to habits you were not even aware you had.
Nitpicking and Fault-finding
This is enough to kill anyone’s morale, no matter how thick-skinned you are. You may see it as constructive criticism but put yourself in your partner’s shoes. How would you like it if the one you love poked holes in everything you did? Ideally, you’re supposed to bring out the best in your partner and constant nitpicking will certainly bring out the worst. Also, be gracious and give room for mistakes because at some point you will need grace when you make mistakes as well.
Frequent Mood Swings
Mood swings are understandable, but avoid being so moody that you create such a gloomy atmosphere in your relationship where neither you or your partner can be happy. The fact that you’re in a bad mood doesn’t mean everyone else should be miserable. No one wants to be around someone that makes them feel like they’re walking around on egg-shells when they’re with them. Being erratic can very easily create an unwelcoming environment.
No one is a mind reader. Communication is so important in relationships. It’s can be mental torture when you don’t know where you stand with your partner or what’s going through their minds. It’s ok if you need time to cool down after a heated argument before speaking your thoughts. However, staying mute and ignoring your partner for long periods of time is unhealthy.
Being Controlling and Obsessive
First of all, you and your partner are two unique different individuals, so why try to make them more like you or the picture you have in your head? Love your partner for who they are instead of constantly trying to change and control what they do, how they dress, where they go, what they say. Bear in mind that you can’t change or control a grown adult. Focus on all the things you love about them(which I believe is the reason why you’re with them in the first place), enjoy their quirks. You will find that you’re much more at peace with yourself when you do this.