My husband and I are opposites. I’m the reserved, shy, overly-thinking, cautious one. He, on the other hand, is larger than life; the boisterous, bold, risk-taker. So when I met him, I knew without a doubt that He would have some interesting stories from his past. I mean, we all have stories right? Some are just way higher on the ‘what were you thinking’ scale than others, lol. And this was the case with my husband.
I’m sure you’re dying to know the juicy details of the past he shared. But naa, remember I’m the reserved one. So, regardless of what he told me, I will not be going into details. Lool.
Seriously though, how much of your past should you tell your partner? Here are some guides my husband and I used.
We got to know each other first
We were friends. Although the time from when we met and when we got married wasn’t that long, we still worked on being friends first. So we didn’t just go all out telling stories from our past from the get-go. To be honest, if my husband had told me all about his escapades as soon as we got talking, I may never have agreed to be more than friends. It would’ve been too much, too soon. Building a friendship helps you get to know the person first without their ‘gist’ clouding your judgment. Their ‘gist’, if said too early, may stop you from seeing the person they are now or have grown into.
Take it slow
Now this is debatable but there’s no formula and I’m no expert. I personally prefer my partner to be upfront once I’m in a relationship with them. I don’t want any surprises. But if your partner is unsure of whether this is headed to marriage or not they may be hesitant to share all until they’re sure. If you don’t think your partner can handle everything at once, then tell them in bits and pieces over time. This may backlash though because it may seem like you have endless skeletons in your closet. So again, study your partner.
Be sure you really want to know
Like I said earlier, I don’t like surprises. As tough as some of those ‘revelations’ were, I wanted to know all. Some people don’t. So be sure you’re really ready to hear all and also handle it like a grown-up. Although it’s still your prerogative to leave or stay with your partner after you’ve heard all their secrets from the past. If you can’t handle it, it’s good to know before you make a life-long commitment.
If your partner reveals that they have a history of life-threatening, violent tendencies then I would advise you to tread very carefully. Otherwise, know yourself, your heart and whether you truly trust and believe this person is not ‘that’ person anymore. As they say, ‘Love conquers all.’