It’s almost two weeks after valentine, but I can’t help but think of February. My thoughts are about many things come to mind but love. I mean I get it, it’s hard not to acknowledge the idea of February and its symbolism of love. It’s pretty much in the air like the flu, all slaying in whites and reds – think of flowers, dresses, nails – then, there’s that shameless joy that people in romantic relationships embody.
In February, you’ll learn that there is a difference between being single and heartbroken. You can be single and not heartbroken but to be heartbroken romantically is to be single. But either way, the loneliness rings louder. The cards and handwritten notes sound so cute imagining them until you realise you are never getting any from that boy you think you’re gonna be doing forever with because it’s all fantasy.
As I said, it’s a little late in the month to think of February and love. Still, my mind is full of Sundays and sad poems, closure and joy. I am heartbroken by a love I got recklessly involved in, and one year after, I am still trying to heal, still trying to fight February off my face. It is a journey but here are a few things I realised.
February is not my karma, my mind is!
If you are like me and you’re still trying to heal from heartbreak, I want you to know that I know that our mind has been conditioned to excessively meditate on romantic love in February. I have come to realise that losing a relationship I had invested so much in and had hoped would be the one is not the worst reality to have in February; our mind has just been conditioned to think it is.
Acknowledge your feelings, not deny them.
I like to define strength in the context of vulnerability but I know that society emphasizes the kind of strength where we not only repress our feelings but bury our vulnerability too. Believe me; nothing is easier than saying, Oh! I don’t care about none of these February and valentine hypes when you truly do care. But the challenge is that you’ve internalized the idea that owning your feelings as you feel them will make you look nothing but weak when you are supposed to be strong and move on! But that’s not true! It’s okay to have hoped for a more romantic February and have a different reality! Acknowledge that. Your feelings matter.
Be Extra with Self Care
I used to think single people going the extra mile to show love to themselves on valentine’s day/February is more than a little unnecessary – I mean, isn’t it just like every other day? I mean isn’t getting myself something just because it’s February or Valentine’s Day a little too insecure, pressured, etc. Maybe not! One thing I have come to realise is that sometimes, a thing is only as deep as you think it. Don’t make it about your heartache or about the season! You’re not trying to prove anything to anyone so you cannot care about what anyone thinks.
True, the relationship is gone but you’re still here healing! It’s only healthy that you’d give yourself more than you usually do in this month. Self-love is not what you fall back to when romantic love ends; it’s a treasury nothing should take from you, even relationships. But don’t we all struggle? When you lose it or feel like you don’t have enough, it’s okay to get it back and keep pouring back to yourself for as long as it takes.
We have a few days left in the month. I’m gonna give myself love as I can afford it this month. What’s your love language? Speak it to yourself!