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Home Relationships +

February Reminded Me of a Love Gone Wrong

byGbemisola Ogunyemi
February 24, 2020
inRelationships +
Woman nursing heartbreak in February
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It’s almost two weeks after valentine, but I can’t help but think of February. My thoughts are about many things come to mind but love. I mean I get it, it’s hard not to acknowledge the idea of February and its symbolism of love. It’s pretty much in the air like the flu, all slaying in whites and reds – think of flowers, dresses, nails – then, there’s that shameless joy that people in romantic relationships embody.

In February, you’ll learn that there is a difference between being single and heartbroken. You can be single and not heartbroken but to be heartbroken romantically is to be single. But either way, the loneliness rings louder. The cards and handwritten notes sound so cute imagining them until you realise you are never getting any from that boy you think you’re gonna be doing forever with because it’s all fantasy.

As I said, it’s a little late in the month to think of February and love. Still, my mind is full of Sundays and sad poems, closure and joy. I am heartbroken by a love I got recklessly involved in, and one year after, I am still trying to heal, still trying to fight February off my face. It is a journey but here are a few things I realised.

February is not my karma, my mind is!

If you are like me and you’re still trying to heal from heartbreak, I want you to know that I know that our mind has been conditioned to excessively meditate on romantic love in February. I have come to realise that losing a relationship I had invested so much in and had hoped would be the one is not the worst reality to have in February; our mind has just been conditioned to think it is.

Acknowledge your feelings, not deny them.

I like to define strength in the context of vulnerability but I know that society emphasizes the kind of strength where we not only repress our feelings but bury our vulnerability too. Believe me; nothing is easier than saying, Oh! I don’t care about none of these February and valentine hypes when you truly do care. But the challenge is that you’ve internalized the idea that owning your feelings as you feel them will make you look nothing but weak when you are supposed to be strong and move on! But that’s not true! It’s okay to have hoped for a more romantic February and have a different reality! Acknowledge that. Your feelings matter.

Be Extra with Self Care

I used to think single people going the extra mile to show love to themselves on valentine’s day/February is more than a little unnecessary – I mean, isn’t it just like every other day? I mean isn’t getting myself something just because it’s February or Valentine’s Day a little too insecure, pressured, etc. Maybe not! One thing I have come to realise is that sometimes, a thing is only as deep as you think it. Don’t make it about your heartache or about the season! You’re not trying to prove anything to anyone so you cannot care about what anyone thinks.

True, the relationship is gone but you’re still here healing! It’s only healthy that you’d give yourself more than you usually do in this month. Self-love is not what you fall back to when romantic love ends; it’s a treasury nothing should take from you, even relationships. But don’t we all struggle? When you lose it or feel like you don’t have enough, it’s okay to get it back and keep pouring back to yourself for as long as it takes.

We have a few days left in the month. I’m gonna give myself love as I can afford it this month. What’s your love language? Speak it to yourself!

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😂😂Hope you guys are having an awesome weeken 😂😂Hope you guys are having an awesome weekend!#africanmumsbelike
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Here's to the year we all work on all our relation Here's to the year we all work on all our relationships with people, because if 2020 taught us anything, it’s that family, friendships and genuine relationships are what matters.🥂
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"My 10-year-old self always imagined friendships i "My 10-year-old self always imagined friendships in my 20s being this never-ending sleep over and back-to-back vacations with my uber cool friends. Help me laugh. Well, turns out making or keeping friends isn’t always that easy. I am gradually more aware that to keep a friend, you have to try to be there. I am 100% guilty of not being the best friend sometimes and I am always trying to work on it. I shared a few pointers on how to achieve this." @ellapinkette Link in bio
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As we start this new year, be decisive about the r As we start this new year, be decisive about the relationships you keep. Pick a very sharp pair of scissors and cut off toxic people from your life! Also learn to recognize when you're the toxic one.😏
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"Once upon a time, I dated a man who was almost tw "Once upon a time, I dated a man who was almost twenty years older than me. Let’s call him Mr. O. Mr. O was emotionally abusing me, yet I couldn’t leave him, I thought I couldn’t live without him. And that, is a classic example of a toxic relationship. Anyone can be a victim of toxic relationships because it isn’t limited to romantic relationships only. It can also be with friends & family members. The signs of toxic relationships are broad, but it always involves certain things." Lizzy Temisan
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#theladysroomng #theladys #toxicrelationships #toxicfreeliving #toxicfree #toxicfreerelationships
The least you can do is try. Don’t write yoursel The least you can do is try. Don’t write yourself off before you’ve even made an attempt.😊#ifatfirstyoudontsucceedtrytryagain
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If you’re on Clubhouse, how has your experience If you’re on Clubhouse, how has your experience been so far?😊
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...And look them straight in the eye and say thank ...And look them straight in the eye and say thank you.👑💅
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#Repost @milly_aku So, sometime in February 2008, #Repost @milly_aku So, sometime in February 2008, Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi sought for a replacement of her international passport and was told by the immigration officials in Port Harcourt that she needed a written permission from her husband first.
What this means is that before a Nigerian married woman can be issued her international passport, she needs to get a letter of consent from her husband.
Apparently irked by this administrative policy that tramples on her right, Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi headed straight to court and sued the Nigerian Immigration services (NIS).
NIS justified the requirement by arguing that:
"Married women are classified alongside with minors by the government as persons who require consent from the head of the family".
NIS further argued that the requirement for consent of the husband was put in place to "perpetuate the authority of the man over his wife, no matter the status she had attained in the society".
They also stated that the requirement was set to
"avoid unnecessary breakdown of the marriage institution in the country."
SMH
Anyway, Justice G.K. Olotu, the presiding judge of the Federal High court gave a judgment that has remained a source of exhilaration to every Nigerian woman.
The court threw out as unconstitutional the entrenched age-old oddity that required married women to obtain their husband's consent before acquiring or renewing their international passports.
In her verdict, Justice G.K. Olotu reportedly said,
“This kind of policy has no place in 21st century Nigeria.”
On June 1st 2009, NIS lost the case made against them by Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi, a woman who decided to speak up for herself and other women in Nigeria.
This is a gentle reminder to all girls and women, that we are the most important advocates for ourselves.
#womanofimpact #leadingwoman #blackwoman #bravewoman #feminist #advocate #womeninhistory #equalityforwomen #sheroe #genderequality #theladysroomng #theladys
Life is a gift, if we treat it like that, it would Life is a gift, if we treat it like that, it wouldn’t matter how old we are or what you have achieved. You have the gift of life, make the best of it.
Cheers to getting older in 2021!🥂
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