The business of poke nosing has been a long-time family tradition, at least in my home. And if you pay attention, it may be true for your family as well. Think about it: You take a call and so much as smile and the next question on your mother’s lips is: who is he? Or you go out one weekend and you go out the next, and your eldest sister is asking: when will he come to visit the family? #Sigh
It may feel like a warm cup of concern that you gladly blush away if you know he is the one. But when you are simply “meeting people”, or merely “getting to know someone”. The questions feel like an intrusion. Or an embarrassment at the very least.
Because Sometimes, No Status Update
Sometimes you are just getting to know people and it really isn’t going anywhere. So how do you respond when your folks ask you to define the relationship? Or maybe your close friends? And this asking of a thing? Is it a fad that comes with the guardian/folk territory? Is it out of genuine concern? Or is it sheer impatience? Because from where I am sitting, it smells like a metaphor for mischief.
If you are one of those caring (read zealous) friends or family members who like to intimidate us into talking about our relationship prospects, here are a few reasons we may not care to share.
- Maybe we are just not sure. If we are not talking about it yet, maybe we need some time to process, think; understand why it feels like butterflies on some days and weevils on others. So, please give us time to be sure.
- We don’t want to jinx it. Yes, sometimes we just don’t want to talk about it yet until we are ready to talk about it. Because in times past, the dreams we shared before they fully materialized never materialized. Allow us.
- When we say it without your prompt, everyone is happier. Really, haven’t you noticed? When I choose to share this information with you at my own time, I am more willing to bare all the intricate details. Like how we met and how we had our first kiss and how I have gone past that point of being terrified of your judging eyes.
- The truth will unveil itself sometime anyway. People always find out the truth, you know! If he is someone you ought to know, soon enough you will. Maybe he will propose, maybe I will bring him home, maybe he will ask me to meet his parents and I will be so unsure of my fashion sense that I will ask for your help, maybe! Let’s just take our sweet time to see what gives.
- Sometimes, it’s nothing but your “asking” puts ideas in our head. Imagine he is just a friend’s boyfriend I am helping plan an epic surprise birthday party. Or a neighbour I am offering “heartbreak support”. Maybe it is a friend I truly like but know I cannot date, and you come with all those questions reminding me of the selfish desires I struggle day and night to keep at bay?
Asking is unhealthy. Because when you eventually ask, and I tell, you start to keep tabs. It is sad enough that some of these relationships don’t go past a couple of weeks. But what is sadder is me having to tell you we are sort of an item today and you start making subtle wedding plans in your head only for you to make me tell you tomorrow that we are no more an item. Relationships are delicate, even more so in the 21st Century, where it takes so long to be sure what the signs mean. Humour the people in your lives that you care about; recognize the struggles they may be facing in finding and choosing a suitable partner, and give them space. You will be glad you did.