There’s always hot gist on these internet celebrity streets. And to be honest, we normal netizens can’t help but get sucked into the whole drama. Especially if they brought it to the social media themselves in the first place. That’s why I spent my entire Friday evening discussing the Annie and 2face situation with my friends.
The thing is, if you hang out on the internet enough, you begin to think about the people on the other side of the screens as your audience, confidants and even “friends.” You are open, honest, maybe a little vulnerable to them. It’s usually not terrible, until it is. The likes, follows and the rest lead us to draw a false sense of validation from people that don’t know you and frankly don’t care about you, and will throw you under the bus the first minute they get the chance.
See, people can be hypocrites, two sided chameleons that are bent to bias, “African culture”, status and the worst demon, patriarchy that leads to internalized misogyny. A woman suspected of cheating on her husband would be condemned and shamed in the worst way. I remember a story not too long ago about a woman who divorced her negligent, abusive husband and married a pastor friend who loves and takes care of her and her kids. She was dragged through these social media streets and portrayed as all sorts.
But turn the tables and watch people say things like he’s a man, that’s his baby mama slash the mother of his children and so it doesn’t count as cheating, he’s a legend, or the worst one, he has kids with her and so he’s not cheating, that’s just his wife’s co-wife.
Now that I am done speaking on the insincerity of the people on the keyboard, I would also like to point out again that social media, as comforting as it may look sometimes, is not and will never replace intimacy and friendship. It won’t be the solution you think you need for your problems. It is the opposite. It creates loopholes and opportunities for people to give unsolicited and frankly ludicrous opinions on your private life.
I love the fact that women can and should be able to speak about the problems they face in life, personal and otherwise. But in that regard, I would also love that we first love ourselves and value our self-worth. Leaving a toxic and disrespectful relationship or marriage no matter how many children you have with them or how long you’ve been together, is not bad. Instead, it is paramount to do what you can to sustain your mental health.
That’s why it is sad to see the concept of “struggle love” or the “sacrifice love” where you see the person throw garbage after garbage at you, and society commends you for sticking through it. You know why? Because the same society that commends you will be there to berate you when you come complaining about how you can take no more of it.
Girls! You don’t have to suffer to be in love. You don’t have to endure disrespect and embarrassment for love. You don’t have to be loved with condition. You see this “I put her through hell, and she stuck with me”? That’s not love. “I gave her a lot of tests and she stood by me” that’s not love.
And I hope we understand that. I hope we find love that is patient, kind and not disrespectful. And if you find yourself in a situation or love of shame, I hope you realize it’s not too late to prioritize yourself and your kids.
Don’t leave your dreams for someone because one day, they will tell you that they never asked you to do that.
And guess what, the society/internet will side with them.