• Inspiration +
    • Interviews
    • Career
    • Food
    • Money
  • Relationships +
    • Romance
    • Family
    • Friendships
  • Life +
    • Home/Family
    • Leisure
    • Growing Up
    • Weddings
  • Beauty +
    • Body Care
    • Style
    • Health
  • The Guest Room
No Result
View All Result
The Lady's Room
  • Inspiration +
    • Interviews
    • Career
    • Food
    • Money
  • Relationships +
    • Romance
    • Family
    • Friendships
  • Life +
    • Home/Family
    • Leisure
    • Growing Up
    • Weddings
  • Beauty +
    • Body Care
    • Style
    • Health
  • The Guest Room
The Lady's Room
  • Inspiration +
    • Interviews
    • Career
    • Food
    • Money
  • Relationships +
    • Romance
    • Family
    • Friendships
  • Life +
    • Home/Family
    • Leisure
    • Growing Up
    • Weddings
  • Beauty +
    • Body Care
    • Style
    • Health
  • The Guest Room
No Result
View All Result
The Lady's Room
No Result
View All Result
Advertise with us
Home Life + Home/Family

Confessing to Myself That I Might Not Want Children

byShade Mary Ann Olaoye
June 7, 2020
inHome/Family, Life +
Lady deep in thought about a future without children
Share on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on WhatsappShare on Google Share on LinkedinEmail

I read a piece online one fine Saturday morning. It was written by Olotu Funke about being a Nigerian lady who considered not having children. Ironically, the last thing I had read the night before was a thread by a Twitter user who shared the journey of how she got her fallopian tubes removed. It was as though the universe was speaking to me.

With Olotu Funke’s piece, I realized that I had been a Nigerian teenager that did not want children. Now, I am a Nigerian lady that might not want children. Within that time of development and growth, my stance has not changed and I have become quite certain of it.

When the lady on twitter told her story, she explained to us the journey it took. six doctors, five of whom were unwilling because they summarized her as an, “under 30 childless, single, and never experienced a pregnancy” woman. And of course, there were questions; what if you meet a nice man, who will take care of you when you are older, what if you change your mind, what if you regret it?

The last two questions are what people have asked me and what I have asked myself as I became more vocal with this particular desire. Because I was still considering the expectations of society. But the truth is, as the lady on Twitter, the only thing I would regret is living a mediocre or a half-realized life, to be honest.

When my friend told me to not be too certain, or be too sure enough to consider tying my tubes or having a hysterectomy in the nearest future, I understood it was because she felt that I might change my mind. Although I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t.

For me, it is okay. Especially as I gradually unlearn the misplaced shame that comes with it the woman’s right to choose. I confess to myself that there is no shame in (not) wanting something for me. No shame in making decisions like this for my body, and the benefit of my mind.

That is why I am grateful to people like these, women who have gone against the norm of society, gone through the process, or are simply experiencing it by questioning what society has conditioned them to want and going further to say, no, I want the opposite. It encourages conversations, motivates us to search within for our truth, not some hand me down version, and live it.

I am a Nigerian lady, and I do not think I want children, I might not want them at all. Do not come at me with why you think I should want, do not come at me with what if. 

Because while you are at it, I am thinking that maybe, the greatest gift I can give to myself at 29, is making certain of that, normalizing this want and erasing the stigma by starting conversations and raising awareness on how okay it is to not want to be a mother, or enjoying premium baby slander with a meme or ten.

Like this:

Like Loading...

Related

https://theladysroom.ng/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/WhatsApp-Video-2020-03-13-at-16.42.14.mp4

Don’t Miss Out on Latest Post, Sign Up Now!

theladysroom.ng

A safe space to talk and learn about all things African women. Laugh, love and learn at #TheLadysRoomng

Empowerment•Enablement•Women
😂😂Hope you guys are having an awesome weeken 😂😂Hope you guys are having an awesome weekend!#africanmumsbelike
.
.
.
.
.
#africanmumsarethebest #theladysroomng #theladys #africanmothersbelike #africanmotherandchild #africanmothersrock
Here's to the year we all work on all our relation Here's to the year we all work on all our relationships with people, because if 2020 taught us anything, it’s that family, friendships and genuine relationships are what matters.🥂
.
.
.
.
.
#beingabetterfriend #betterfriendships #betterfriendshipsbetterlives #theladysroomng #theladys
"My 10-year-old self always imagined friendships i "My 10-year-old self always imagined friendships in my 20s being this never-ending sleep over and back-to-back vacations with my uber cool friends. Help me laugh. Well, turns out making or keeping friends isn’t always that easy. I am gradually more aware that to keep a friend, you have to try to be there. I am 100% guilty of not being the best friend sometimes and I am always trying to work on it. I shared a few pointers on how to achieve this." @ellapinkette Link in bio
.
.
.
.
.
#theladysroomng #theladys #betterfriendship #betterfriendships #betterfriends #betterfriends
As we start this new year, be decisive about the r As we start this new year, be decisive about the relationships you keep. Pick a very sharp pair of scissors and cut off toxic people from your life! Also learn to recognize when you're the toxic one.😏
.
.
.
.
.
#theladysroomng #theladys #toxicrelationships #toxicrelationship #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #toxicrelationshiprecovery #signsofatoxicrelationship #signsofatoxicperson #signsofatoxicfriendship #signsofatoxicfriend
"Once upon a time, I dated a man who was almost tw "Once upon a time, I dated a man who was almost twenty years older than me. Let’s call him Mr. O. Mr. O was emotionally abusing me, yet I couldn’t leave him, I thought I couldn’t live without him. And that, is a classic example of a toxic relationship. Anyone can be a victim of toxic relationships because it isn’t limited to romantic relationships only. It can also be with friends & family members. The signs of toxic relationships are broad, but it always involves certain things." Lizzy Temisan
.
.
.
.
.
#theladysroomng #theladys #toxicrelationships #toxicfreeliving #toxicfree #toxicfreerelationships
The least you can do is try. Don’t write yoursel The least you can do is try. Don’t write yourself off before you’ve even made an attempt.😊#ifatfirstyoudontsucceedtrytryagain
.
.
.
.
.
#ifatfirstyoudontsucceeddustyourselfoffandtryagain #ifatfirstyoudontsucceed #keeptryingtho #theladysroomng #theladys #tryagainthursday #tryagain
She sure is!😊🌻🌼🌸 . . . . . #theladysro She sure is!😊🌻🌼🌸
.
.
.
.
.
#theladysroomng #theladys #youregoingplaces #youregoingplacesgirl #goingplaces #coilyandcute
If you’re on Clubhouse, how has your experience If you’re on Clubhouse, how has your experience been so far?😊
.
.
.
.
.
#newsocialmediaapp #newsocialmediaapps #clubhouseinvite #clubhouseapp #clubhouse #clubhouseexperience #theladysroomng #theladys
"Social media has a new kid on the block! Or rathe "Social media has a new kid on the block! Or rather, a new app on the block. You may wonder: ‘Ehen, how is this one different from the countless launches we’ve witnessed in the past?’ I totally understand your sentiment because I even struggle to keep up sometimes. So I suspect you've heard the new buzzword on people’s lips. That’s right, ‘Clubhouse’." Link in bio.
.
.
.
.
.
#theladysroomng #theladys #clubhouse #clubhouseapp #clubhouseappinvite #areyouonclubhouse #clubhouseapp
...And look them straight in the eye and say thank ...And look them straight in the eye and say thank you.👑💅
.
.
.
.
.
#theladysroomng #theladys #howtotakeacompliment #howtotakeacompliment101 #shondarhimes #shondarhimesquotes #shondarhimesquote
#Repost @milly_aku So, sometime in February 2008, #Repost @milly_aku So, sometime in February 2008, Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi sought for a replacement of her international passport and was told by the immigration officials in Port Harcourt that she needed a written permission from her husband first.
What this means is that before a Nigerian married woman can be issued her international passport, she needs to get a letter of consent from her husband.
Apparently irked by this administrative policy that tramples on her right, Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi headed straight to court and sued the Nigerian Immigration services (NIS).
NIS justified the requirement by arguing that:
"Married women are classified alongside with minors by the government as persons who require consent from the head of the family".
NIS further argued that the requirement for consent of the husband was put in place to "perpetuate the authority of the man over his wife, no matter the status she had attained in the society".
They also stated that the requirement was set to
"avoid unnecessary breakdown of the marriage institution in the country."
SMH
Anyway, Justice G.K. Olotu, the presiding judge of the Federal High court gave a judgment that has remained a source of exhilaration to every Nigerian woman.
The court threw out as unconstitutional the entrenched age-old oddity that required married women to obtain their husband's consent before acquiring or renewing their international passports.
In her verdict, Justice G.K. Olotu reportedly said,
“This kind of policy has no place in 21st century Nigeria.”
On June 1st 2009, NIS lost the case made against them by Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi, a woman who decided to speak up for herself and other women in Nigeria.
This is a gentle reminder to all girls and women, that we are the most important advocates for ourselves.
#womanofimpact #leadingwoman #blackwoman #bravewoman #feminist #advocate #womeninhistory #equalityforwomen #sheroe #genderequality #theladysroomng #theladys
Life is a gift, if we treat it like that, it would Life is a gift, if we treat it like that, it wouldn’t matter how old we are or what you have achieved. You have the gift of life, make the best of it.
Cheers to getting older in 2021!🥂
.
.
.
.
.
#theladysroomng #theladys #cheerstogettingold #cheerstogettingolder #cheerstogettingolderandwiser #cheerstogettingolderandhotter #dontfearoldage
Follow on Instagram
Facebook Twitter Instagram Google+ Youtube Pinterest
DMCA.com Protection Status
  • About The Lady’s Room
  • Contact Us
  • Advert Placement
  • Privacy Policy

No Result
View All Result
  • Inspiration +
    • Interviews
    • Career
    • Food
    • Money
  • Relationships +
    • Romance
    • Family
    • Friendships
  • Life +
    • Home/Family
    • Leisure
    • Growing Up
    • Weddings
  • Beauty +
    • Body Care
    • Style
    • Health
  • The Guest Room

%d bloggers like this: