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Home Relationships + Romance

Compatibility or Love: Which Should Come First?

byJemima Ugen
September 13, 2020
inRelationships +, Romance
Couple work hand in hand towards compatibility
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One thing I have learnt by observing a few of my friends who are in romantic relationships is how different each relationship is. I suppose that’s an obvious fact, but specifically, some couples have partners who are too independent. Other couples are co-dependent, doing everything together from business to vacation. Lol. It all boils down to compatibility and adaptation.

No relationship is perfect. But I do think issues of compatibility matters, especially if the partners will complement each other. The question I like to ask myself is: Are you ready to put in the work of learning if you fit into your partner’s lifestyle, and if not, are willing to adapt?

Below are a few standards I use to gauge things generally.

Intellect

I am the digital, creative guru and my husband is the history/I know-everything-going-on-in-the-world buff. We’re always in a position to learn from each other because we both pursue more knowledge in the areas we’re interested in. We are a fit because both of us are intellectually aware of our interests and we bring it into our conversations. This means we always have things to talk about. Oshey! The truth is that, if you cannot have stimulating conversations with your romantic partner, then the relationship might feel unnecessarily stressful.

Spirituality/Moral Values

You have to be really honest with yourself on this one. Personally, I’d rather not have a divided house on this because I’m also thinking of my kids. I want my partner and I to teach our kids the same things and be unified in regards to this. I understand this does not have to be the case for everyone. My point is, if it’s something you are willing to compromise on, be sure that you understand the stakes.

Life’s Mission And Purpose

If my partner believes their life’s mission is to be a humanitarian in the backside of Zimbabwe and I’m looking forward to living the American dream, no matter how in love we are, that relationship is heading to the rocks. Plus a life’s mission/purpose is not something you should have to compromise on. At least in my opinion.

Now, maybe you are thinking: All this talk about compatibility? Where does love fit in? My sister, I wonder o. Lol

Anyway, I believe you can have both. There’s no textbook answer for these things. When you are mostly compatible with your partner, you’ll still have to compromise a little. So there’s no avoiding that. Know what you want out of life and in your relationship and be with someone who desires are close enough.

As with everything, whether compatible and in love or not, you’ll still have to be intentional and put in the work to make a great marriage.

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#Repost @milly_aku So, sometime in February 2008, #Repost @milly_aku So, sometime in February 2008, Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi sought for a replacement of her international passport and was told by the immigration officials in Port Harcourt that she needed a written permission from her husband first.
What this means is that before a Nigerian married woman can be issued her international passport, she needs to get a letter of consent from her husband.
Apparently irked by this administrative policy that tramples on her right, Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi headed straight to court and sued the Nigerian Immigration services (NIS).
NIS justified the requirement by arguing that:
"Married women are classified alongside with minors by the government as persons who require consent from the head of the family".
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On June 1st 2009, NIS lost the case made against them by Dr. Priye Iyalla-Amadi, a woman who decided to speak up for herself and other women in Nigeria.
This is a gentle reminder to all girls and women, that we are the most important advocates for ourselves.
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