I feel like we have all heard or talked about midlife crises. We know it as a middle age stage where older people question their identity and go off to buy a fast car, start dating someone really young, or get a tongue piercing. It’s basically psychological. You start questioning all you’ve done in your life and how you got so old so fast.
But do we talk about a quarter-life crisis? Did you even know it was a real thing before reading this article? Just like midlife crises, the quarter-life crisis is psychological, and it basically involves thinking about the direction and value of your life. Young people in their 20s and even 30s go through a phase where they begin to wonder if they have been doing things right all along.
I saw this funny video where the lady said her friend just had her first baby while she just ordered bath bombs with cloud emojis from Amazon. If you are young or have gone through a time like this, I bet you can relate. It’s the time when you’re attending all your mate’s weddings and buying Asoebi every other week but still figuring out if you want to keep your job or start a business on Instagram. I personally feel that this stage and the problems that come with it are rooted in comparison.
You know, you left secondary school and 10 years later, your friends are done with University, married with 2 kids and putting a mortgage on a house. While you are probably still trying to complete a degree. None of these journeys are “wrong.” But not all of us know that. (And this is me speaking from personal experience)
So, how do we deal with this inevitable stage of life?
Stop comparing yourself to others.
I promise you, it’s hard but if you can do this, half the struggle is over. Realize that your life and your timeline are yours and yours alone. You aren’t worse off because you are doing something late or because you seem not to have as much as the next person. Your time and season are right for you. Also, remember that people will always show the highlight of their lives and very little else. Stop comparing those best parts of people’s lives to your entire life. Be your own standard. Strive to be better than the version of you that existed yesterday. Love yourself, your stage and your process, Queen!!
Talk about it.
I mean, it may be a little difficult to talk about what seems like failures and shortcomings. But if you have the right person to listen to you, you’ve hit the jackpot. You’ll also find that a lot of people feel the same way and you’re not alone. Talking also gives motivation to get out of a rut and do better for yourself. It helps you find people with similar interests, and a sense of community builds character.
Omg, I could write a whole diary about this because it was literally my life for a long time. If we are being honest, internet besties, I still say a lot of “I should have” every once in a while.
We find ourselves doing this a ton. I should be married by now. I should have my dream job by now. I should have applied to this college and not that one. I should have taken that offer. I should, “I should haves” only reminds you of what could have been and not what could possibly be. There’s so much more about your future that you should shape and work for than your past. Stop with the deadlines, the age limits and the should-haves. It’s just wasting more time that you could use to become the person you want to be.
Learn about yourself.
There was so much I did not know about myself, and I went through some time letting circumstances dictate who I was and who I wanted to be. Take time out to figure out what you love. What you genuinely love. And how those things tie in with the person you would live to be. Learning about yourself also ensures that you love yourself. The more I learn, grow and correct, the more I’m able to fall more in love with myself and trust my journey.
As much as we choose not to focus on things that we should have done, we need to focus on things we can do. This includes researching the path you want to take and working towards it. Trusting the process and putting in the work.
Find support and put yourself out there.
Surrounding yourself with people that want to grow in a healthy, non-judgmental way may sound cliche, but is really a big tip to working through a quarter life crisis. Find hobbies, groups, colleagues that will encourage you without making you anxious all the time.
Don’t compromise your happiness. Experience life don’t just live it day to day. Be happy in the small and big things. Nobody else matters eventually. We only have a limited time here and we should live it to the fullest.
And that’s it! I hope we all find a way to handle these years of our lives in the best way possible.